Merry-Go-Round
by Naty17
Summary: I'm so stupid. I really am. Standing on the edge of this rooftop, I can't find a thing good about me. I'm stupid for so many reasons: 1, for falling in love with my own brother. 2, for accidentally pairing him up with my best friend. And 3, for watching it unroll before my eyes without doing anything. Now, all there's left to do is jump, and end my life for good. Haha. Ha.
1. Prologue

**Merry-Go-Round**

_Round and round, a carousel spins  
__The longer you stay, the better you win  
__But if one day you grow to tire  
__of the beautiful works so many admire  
__If one day, you don't want to hear  
__The lullaby music that make children cheer  
__If one day you start growing sick  
__Of spinning round and round in this carnival trick  
__Then how do you get out of this Merry-Go-Round?  
__It's too late to escape, to sneak off without sound  
__The clowns on the ground, they seem to be laughing  
__The twirling dancers are simply now chafing  
__The horse you sit on, why does it move?  
__When will it stop? Could it please stop soon?  
__But here is the trick to this Merry-Go-Round  
__Once you get on, you can never get down  
__Round and round this carousel spins  
__No matter how much you try, you can never win._

_:D You like it~? I was feeling poetic. *shrug* The title gives off that sort of mysterious feeling... I wanted to maybe add to your interest by adding that little poem there. I wrote it myself~! *glimmer glimmer*_

_I bet I tricked a lot of you, didn't I? You probably thought I skipped the Author's Note, and went right into the story, didn't you? Well, listen here: I WILL NEVER EVER SKIP AN AUTHOR'S NOTE!_

_:D Yay~!_

_So... *awkward pause* ... *hushed whisper* Len...! Where are my lines?!  
Len: Uh... I think Mikuo has them!  
Mikuo: What? No I don't!  
Miku: Didn't Rin have them?  
Rin: Yeah, but I gave them back to Luka...  
Mikuo: But where's Luka?  
All: ... o3o  
Guys... did you seriously lose the script?  
All: ... a3a  
Really...? Come on, what is this, Bad End Night?  
All: *shrug*  
Sigh... Fine then. Miku, here's your cue. *point*  
Miku: ! ^-^ Mitsuketa~! (1) *holds up paper*  
Atta girl~! Now... pass 'em here, please...?  
Miku: *hands over paper*_

_Good! Ahe-hem... This is my new story!_

_Luka: **One** of Naty-san's new stories... Don't you have three or four new stories in the making?_

_Well... *blush* Yes... there's this one, Puppy Mill, and Lined Paper, but I'm not sure all three will survive... Wait- when did you get here?_

_Luka: *shrug* Same time everyone else did._

_But... weren't we just looking for you...?_

_Luka: -.-? ... Found me._

_=_=" Okay then... This was actually partially inspired by one of my other stories, Lost and Found. I started thinking of what would have happened if Len and Rin hadn't found out they were twins (thanks to a reviewer, actually), and then it kinda branched out to a plot bunny. This plot bunny found a very nice looking plot bunny companion, and about an hour or two later, they had great-great-grandkids. XD_

_Speaking of plot bunnies... what do you guys think they look like? I've always thought they kinda look like dustbunnies, fluffy and gray and annoying, as well as with a few more bunny-parts._

_I'm getting off-track again... -.-" Anyway, I started jotting down ideas for this story on September 7th, while I was on the plane ride back from Germany. It is currently October 26th. I believe this story has survived the test of time, since I still want to write it today._

_That's what I've started doing since entering the Vocaloid fandom; when I come up with a new idea, I let it sit for a month. If I begin to lose interest, then I don't write it; instead, I record it into my pretty leather story ideas book for any other day I might need them._

_I think this story will work out for me._

_In a way, it's kind of like the opposite of Lost and Found, although it also bears a lot of resemblances._

_One of the things they have in common is that they will have this sense of pressure. In Lost and Found, it starts as soon as they leave for Tokyo. Things suddenly start going down-hill from there, and just when things seem to be clearing up... BAM! This fake peace is disrupted by one big story BOMB!_

_I don't really want to spoil the story, but this is what Merry-Go-Round will be like: One beating after another._

_Len: ... D':_

_Aw, don't worry, Len! I'm completely set on Rin being the main character for this story, so while she gets tortured to the point of screaming, courtesy of myself, you just might be able to avoid it._

_Len: Knowing you, I doubt it._

_^w^ Glad to hear it. *turns to audience* Anyway... I won't torture you with suspense any longer. Read on, friends! Enjoy this story of angst! I do hope you'll enjoy it!_

* * *

_(1) It means 'Found it'. This is her special line in Bad End Night/Crazy Night, when all the Vocaloids are searching for the last page of the book, and Miku happens to find it._

* * *

**Chapter 1 - Prologue**

* * *

...

Um... Hi.

My name is Rin Kagamine.

Surely you've realized this.

I don't get why the hell you're reading this... don't you have anything better to do? Why don't you go play outside, like normal people would, hm?

Oh... what's this? You say you're not a normal person. Ha. Hahaha.

Bullshit.

You're just naive.

A normal person is someone who manages to somewhat keep their life in line.

Have you ever been arrested? Have you ever made a magazine headline? Are you famous? Is there not one other person in the world who lives the same way as you do?

If you can find at least one person in the world who is like your own reflection, you are so similar, then obviously, you are normal.

Perhaps that would make me normal, too. Maybe I am. In some ways.

I may not have a criminal record. Nobody knows my name. I'm nothing special.

And yet, perhaps those are the reasons that I am currently standing on a rooftop, gazing down at the puddles forming beneath me.

It's ironic, isn't it?

Whenever someone is dramatically standing on a roof, there just has to be a dramatic storm in the background, complete with dramatic thunder and dramatic lightning, and even the dramatic heavy rain that falls so hard, you can barely see ahead.

I can't even see the tree that I know is only about 20 feet away in the school yard.

I slip off my shoes, and peel off my socks.

My clothes cling to me like no human will, and I'm not just shivering from the coolness of the air.

As I slowly walk closer to the edge of the brick roof, I think back to how we used to sometimes come up here for lunch.

It seems like so long ago... when things were okay, when things were normal, when I wasn't hating every person around me.

I glance over this forbidden edge, my toes curling around the cemented border.

The puddles seem to be growing bigger with every second.

I wonder... in 5 minutes time, will the water in that large puddle there be stained red?

I take a deep breath in, and try to suppress a shiver- while mentally scolding myself when I fail. 'This is not the time to be weak...' I think to myself, the thoughts echoing through my head.

I shift my balance forward, and immediately jump back away from the edge. I swear. "Of all times for my survival reflexes to kick in, they decide to bother me _**now**_..." I mutter, coughing slightly.

I find myself back at the edge of the building, testing myself, challenging myself to quit being an idiot and just jump...!

And suddenly, my balance just swings a little too far forward, and there is no longer any ground beneath me. I open my mouth in a gasp, but the scream is caught in my throat as I fall down two stories.

And yet... I'm not afraid anymore. In fact, I'm so filled with adrenaline, I could pull a Spider-Man fall right now. Maybe even land safely on all fours. Although that isn't the point of this...

I don't have very long to enjoy this small moment of bliss. Suddenly, gravity comes back, and slams me against the dark pavement.

Um... ow.

I can hear a scream from somewhere, but I don't know who it came from. I know it isn't me, though; my jaw hurts so bad, it might possibly be broken.

But as the blood oozes out from my wounds, I can't feel anything more than a strange peace. 'It's almost over...! Thank God...'

It hurts, but so does life. And it will be over soon. Soon, I'll be able to close my eyes for good, and they'll never again open.

It's... a wonderful feeling. I feel relieved just thinking about it, but at the same time, so bitter, so-

What? What's this now? Why are you making a face? ... What? You don't like being left out in the dark? You don't like not knowing my reason for jumping down 2 stories? Picky, picky...

You know, I don't have to tell you about my life. You shouldn't be so greedy... In fact, I don't even get why you're so interested in me! ...Perhaps you're all even more sadistic than I.

Oh? You say that no, you're not sadistic after all? Liar. If you weren't, you wouldn't be reading this. You wouldn't be enjoying my pain. You wouldn't be so amused at my suicide.

But still... you want to go back to the beginning. Well, then.

Once upon a time, there was a mommy and a daddy who loved each other... well... enough. So 'God' gave them a baby. But, this baby got lonely inside of her momma's tummy; she wanted a friend. So, 'God' granted her wish. There then were 2 babies in this mother's tummy.

Exhausted, she couldn't come up with a name for the two.

Papa simply stated he didn't care.

So she glanced at the nurse, who held the boy in her left arm, and the girl in her right arm, and thought...

Right and Left.

Rin and Len.

Hm? What are you complaining about now? ... Oh, that's TOO far back in the beginning, you say? Pfft. Fine. As you wish.

If you really desire it, why not move on to the 3rd of January, 2009?

You're asking yourself now what something in 2009 has to do with my suicide. Trust me, it has plenty to do with it.

"Lennyyyyy!"

The girl shook her brother until his eyes fluttered open with a groan. "Whaaaat...?"

The girl grinned, and lowered her face to his, so close that their noses were touching, and said: "Hi."

"... Is that seriously it?" Len asked in disbelief. He sat up, causing Rin to fall back, and made a face at her. "You woke me up at...", he glanced at the clock on his nightstand, "7:00 am just to say hi?!"

Rin pouted. "You don't want to see me...?"

Len rolled his eyes. "Not at 7 in the morning, no."

Rin's pout deepened, crossing her arms for emphasis. "But Leeeeen...!"

He rolled over, his face in his pillow, trying to fall back to sleep.

Rin sighed. Slowly, she laid herself down on the other side of the mattress, and simply watched him sleep.

"... ... ... Stop it, Rin." came his muffled voice from the pillow. "You're creeping me out."

Rin giggled, and snuggled up closer to him.

"..." A pause, then he sighed, and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to him.

Rin made a purring sound of approval, as she snuggled into his chest.

"You're so childish..." Len scolded her.

"But you know you like me that way." Rin said.

And, to her relief, she saw a small smile spread on his lips. "Maybe."

They lay there like that, but Rin wasn't sleeping.

It had started out with her noticing how pink and girlish her brother's lips looked, snickering at this (which Len ignored), and then... then came the stunning, shocking, revolting realization that...

'Oh God. I want to kiss you, Len. Why do I want to kiss you?!'

That was the day I realized I was in love with my brother. Or maybe at 12, it wasn't quite love just yet. Maybe at 12, it was more of an attraction.

But normal people don't feel attracted to their brothers.

Surprised by this sudden realization, I kept this to myself. I did, however, 'accidentally' brush against him, and teased him more just to see how he'd react.

I could never tell, though, if he felt the same.

Now, I can say with certainty that, no, he never even considered me in that way.

The feelings I kept bottled up inside seemed to grow. At 13, the peak of puberty, I wanted him. Desperately wanted him.

But I knew I couldn't have him.

I could daydream about him walking into my room one night, and giving me exactly what I was craving from him, all the while whispering how much he loved me. But I knew he never would.

That's one thing I was forced to accept when I fell in love with Len Kagamine: You can love him, but don't expect any love back.

I knew that, once I'd realized my feelings for him were real, that the road I was taking would be bumpy, and that I'd crash a few times along the way. I knew it would hurt, and I knew that, no matter which way I went, it would only end in disappointment.

I could have never guessed, though, that instead of continuing down this path, I veered completely off the trail, and instead fell off a giant cliff.

I could never have guessed that this rocky path I was taking would actually kill me.

But how exactly had it come down to this?

How did it get to the point where even hell would be better than living?

Well... it all started on October 16th, 2011.

"Come on, Miku! Just tell me already!"

My teal-haired friend blushed. "No! I don't want to...!"

I nudged her. "You can't just drop a bomb and say you have a crush on someone, and then NOT tell me who it is!"

"You'll laugh at me..."

"No, I swear I won't!"

"You're laughing right now!" she spat.

"Come on..." I pleaded. "Tell me! I _am_ your best friend, after all... don't you trust me?"

"Yeah, but..."

"Then why don't you tell me? I promise you I won't tell anyone else! Maybe I could even help hook you two up!" Why on earth did I say that?

She squirmed. "... Fine, I'll tell you, but... you have to swear you won't tell anyone!"

"Cross my heart." I said, drawing an X over my left breast.

"Fine..." she hesitated, and looked both ways, to make sure no one else was near. "It's..." Another sigh. "You have to promise not to laugh, okay?"

"I promise..." I said, rolling my eyes. "Come on, now!"

She bent down to my ear, and whispered one syllable, a word of three letters that turned my life upside down.

And I didn't laugh. I froze, and stared at her with wide eyes. "Len... as in, _**my**_ _**brother**_, Len?!"

Miku blushed, and nodded, avoiding my gaze.

"... Why?"

I knew Len was a great guy. I knew someday he would get admirers like this. But... why now?

"Well..." Miku's face was red as a tomato. "He's nice... and he's smart... and he's really, really hot, so..."

Was that it? Was that the only reason why?

"Yeah, but there are a ton of nice, smart, and really hot guys!" I argued.

Miku giggled. "You're only saying that because you don't want me to date your brother!"

Of course I wouldn't!

"Yeah, cause... it's like... weird!" I said, and faked a shiver.

Miku laughed, a beautiful laugh that sounded like wind chimes. "Well, I'm in love with Len, and nothing you say is going to change that!"

And this is when my life became living hell.

* * *

_Hi~!_

_Weeeeeell...? How did you like it?_

_I thought it was loads of fun_~!_ Hm, maybe it'll even get switched to an M rating...? Ooh, fun~! XD You never know~!_

_La dee da... what am I forgetting to say...? ... ... ... *loading, please wait*_

_I suppose I could just talk some more about the story. *shrug*_

_Anyway... I suppose you can already tell this will be a Rin x Len x Miku triangle. Which is pretty ironic, because I dislike Miku x Len, but... she makes the perfect third wheel. *shrug* _

_And besides... who else would I pair Len with? Yuki? My apologies to The Queen of Double Standards (she ships Len x Yuki), but that'd just be weird for a story like this. _

_Iroha, Luka, and Lily are too mature... I need someone innocent, and dumb. _

_Miki would be a good choice (sorry Miki-chan... ^-^"), but I like Miki too much, and I don't see her as someone you could hate._

_Then there's Gumi... but I have something else planned for her._

_Teto is for the same reason as Miki._

_I DETESTE Len x Neru, so that's just a big fat NO! Bleh... ;P_

_I don't ship Len x Haku or Len x Meiko..._

_So I guess Miku really is the only choice. *shrug*_

**Question of the Chapter: Who do you ship with Len?**

_I'm listening to the song Ikasama Game Life right now. It is SOOO catchy~! And the beat n' stuff goes real well for this kind of mood in the story. :3_

_Anyway, I'm hoping the atmosphere for this story will stay this awkward kind of way throughout the story. After all, Rin IS an awkward kind of person. Or, at least, her monologue is._

_Rin is a very defensive person. She's extremely suspicious of everyone and everything. If someone offers her a cookie, just out of the kindness out of their heart (pfft!), instead of accepting it with a smile, she'll give this person a look and ask what they did with it, and would probably consider them weird. In a way, I suppose that's like me. It's only because if someone in my class DID offer me a cookie, it would probably be because someone sneezed on it, though._

_But in a way, I suppose I can see myself in Rin. She's a fun character to write for, and is relatively easy. She's also very negative, which is another characteristic we both share._

_Len... I'm planning on making Len 'Mr. Nice Guy'. You know... the typical popular boy in the movies. He's humble, polite, friendly, funny, cute, and accepts everyone; there's not a flaw to be found in him. In a way, I think Rin might also be jealous of him for this. He can get everyone to like him without even trying, while Rin repels people with her distrust of everyone._

_Strange, isn't it? He's so perfect, he not only can get any girl he knows to swoon if he tries, he even unconsciously got his own sister to fall for him!_

_Len is completely oblivious of his effect on people. He has no idea girls even think of him as cute! *laughs* He's really modest, too._

_Miku is your typical blonde from the movies- minus the blond hair color. She's supposed to be a bit of an airhead. Okay, A LOT of an airhead. Like Len, she's oblivious to what people think of her, but she's super confident in herself. She doesn't really mind rejection; she's satisfied if she at least managed to tell the person how she felt. There's an equal amount of people who love her and who hate her. It's funny, because with Miku Hatsune, it's either you love her, or you hate her. And yet, she still doesn't notice this._

_Rin used to hate her, but Miku ended up winning her over._

_This story is going to be filled with angst and self-torture. No, not physical torture; I mean torturing one's self emotionally with this person's thoughts. :D_

_This is going to be super fun~!_

_Anyway, let's see if we can get at least 5 reviews on chapter 1, hm? :3_

* * *

_(1) It means 'Found it'. This is her special line in Bad End Night/Crazy Night, when all the Vocaloids are searching for the last page of the book, and Miku happens to find it._

* * *

**PLEASE REVIEW~!**


	2. Stupid

**Merry-Go-Round**

_Tee hee~! I haven't even posted chapter 1 yet, and I'm already starting chapter 2~! Aren't you guys proud of me? ^w^_

_Hmm... what to say in my precious Author's Note this time..._

_Oh, I know~!_

_At first, I considered adding this as part of my Darker than Death series. That would make it the third (or... second, technically, since I haven't even started chapter 1 of Puppy Mill yet). But... I didn't think this really fit in with the other two._

_Yes, the Darker than Death series is dark (obviously), and this should be a dark-ish story... But both Dust in the Corner and Puppy Mill are in an entirely different league compared to this._

_This may have a lot of angst coming up in it... but it features nothing really wrong. Apart from incest._

_But Dust in the Corner features rape, which is illegal. Puppy Mill... well, I can't spoil things yet since it hasn't been posted... but it also features a LOT of illegal stuff, and should be about 10 times worse in that aspect than DitC._

_So that's the difference between them, and why Merry-Go-Round is officially NOT part of the Darker than Death series: the plot line is too common, and too legal. _

_The Darker than Death series is aimed to have people think, 'Thank God that isn't me!' This story here, Merry-Go-Round... well... who WOULDN'T want a brother as sexy as Len, am I right?_

_... ... ... I just realized. Most of you people don't even know what the Darker than Death series is, do you? ... :) *awkward smile*_

_Anyway, uh... moving on!_

_I had a lot of trouble coming up with a title for this._

_I wanted something significant and philosophical. (Is that the right word...? *shrug*) Something like... how Karakuri Pierrot means Puppet Clown, or something like that. It's because the boy only uses her like a puppet, controlling her strings, and getting her tangled little by little._

_Actually, 'Puppet' was something I had in my head for a while, but... mm. Maybe I should have named it Broken Puppet, or something. ... Oh, crap. Maybe I should have called this 'Broken Record'. That would've been good too..._

_Anyway, like you probably guessed from my little poem in chapter 1, I chose the name Merry-Go-Round because no matter how many times you ride it, you still go around in the same wide circles, never reaching your destination, doomed to go through the same things over and over again._

_Dramatic, is it not? ^w^/_

_'Stand by... Ready.'_

_Heh heh, sorry! Listening to Corruption Garden, now. I love the beginning, when she says that. It's a good song~! A Luka song, too! ^o^_

_"Badabadaba flower! Doodoodoodooo memories!" XD Gotta love my Japanese, hm?_

_Doo doo doo... I think I'm done now. _

_Saa... shall we begin? (1)_

* * *

**Chapter 2 - Stupid**

* * *

When I got home, I immediately rushed up to my bedroom.

Len wouldn't be here for a while. He had... basketball, or baseball, or maybe chess club, or something. Chess club... ahaha. I always thought that was such a nerdy club, but then Len had to join it to try and prove me wrong...

Aha. There.

I pulled my beautiful black leather notebook from its shelf.

'Rin' was written in pink cursive letters on the cover. I remember trying to find a pen that would work just so I could write those three letters...

I opened the book to a fresh page, then scrambled to grab a pen from the clutter on my desk.

_'October 16th, 2011'_,I wrote in purple ink.

_'Miku likes Len._

_... Shit._

_She's perfect. I mean... unlike me, she has boobs. _

_She's nice, she's beautiful... everything I can't be._

_I hope she gets over it really soon._

_Like, REALLY soon._

_I wonder if Len likes anyone...? That would suck. Like, REALLY suck._

_I wonder if there's anything I can do to change this? Like... how do you make someone NOT like someone else? Is there like, some kind of reverse-love potion? ... Of course not. Duh. If there were, people would be buying gallons of it._

_Whatever._

_Len probably doesn't like her anyway. There's really no reason for me to be freaking out about it. I'm just being stupid, as usual.'_

With a sigh, I dropped my journal on my desk, not even bothering to place it back in its shelf.

Geez... I'm so stupid.

Why am I obsessing over Miku's crush?

It'll probably go away in a week or two, and Len would reject her even if she _did_ decide to ask him out.

I laughed, and brushed my bangs out of my face. "Silly, silly..."

I left my room, walking back downstairs with a bitter smile on my face. 'Such an idiot... that was how some fangirl would act. I am NOT a fangirl.'

Into the kitchen I walked and opened the fridge, pulling out the carton of orange juice.

I poured some into a glass, and took slow sips.

I've always liked orange juice. Oranges and all other citrus fruits like lemons and limes taste so much better than simple apples or pears.

Citrus fruits taste both sweet and sour. Fruits like strawberries only have a sweet taste to them, so I find they're always missing something.

Len prefers bananas, though. Of course he would: bananas are tasteless- just like him. Ahaha.

I sighed. I had the house to myself, but that would only be handy if I were a slut. And even though I may have a sick, dirty mind, I have never actually lived out one of my incestuous fantasies in real life. I probably never will.

But what do I do for a half hour while waiting for Len to get back?

...

...

...

I _could_ lie down lazily on the couch and watch TV...

...

Or I could do my homework.

...

I scoffed to myself, and plopped myself down on the living room couch. Like _hell_ am I doing my homework voluntarily.

And so I spent a half hour flipping through TV channels, swearing at the TV, and sleeping from boredom.

Finally, the door opened.

"Thank God you're here, Len." I groaned, turning and smiling. But that smile froze on my face. "What are you doing here?"

The woman frowned, but didn't appear hurt like a normal person should when spoken to like that. She didn't even seem to notice the hatred in my tone. "I live here, Rin."

I watched as she placed her purse on the stairwell, and walked into the kitchen, her heels making 'clip clop' noises.

I stood, and followed her, leaning into the door frame. "Well?"

The woman snaked a glance at me, and sighed. "You're so immature, Rin. I'm allowed to set foot in my own house."

"What do you need?" I asked, gritting my teeth.

She closed the drawer she was rummaging through, and held up a tube of dark red lipstick. "I forgot it." she said.

"Then leave already."

She sighed again, rolling her dark-colored eyes, and brushing a blond strand of hair out from her face. "You never learn Rin." she scolded, as she brushed past me, back towards the front door.

Before she could reach it, though, it opened, and Len appeared in the doorway.

The lady scowled, waited until he stepped out of the way, and shut the door behind her.

Len glanced over to me. His lips parted in a silent 'oh', just as the door opened again.

Muttering to herself, Lily Kagamine reentered the room, reaching for the purse that I knew she'd forget. She turned to leave, again, without even acknowledging Len's presence.

Just before the door shut close, I yelled out sarcastically, "Love you too, mom!"

"..." There was a short silence between Len and I, then he dropped his bag onto the ground.

"So... how was your day?"

That's how things had to be. Instead of grieving over the fact our mother wasn't often here with us, we just continued awkwardly with our day.

I couldn't help but feel pity for him. Mother didn't bother doing as much as saying hello to him... But at the same time, I admired him for not caring about it.

"Fine, thanks." I said, then cursed myself for sounding so formal. "I mean, like, it was okay, I guess. For a school day. Like, you know. A school day can't really be good so..."

I stopped when I noticed his quirked eyebrow and small smile, like he was trying not to laugh, and blushed.

"How was your day...?" I half asked, half mumbled, hiding my face in embarrassment.

He smiled back. "Oh, alright, I guess... for a school day."

I rolled my eyes, my face still tainted pink. "Shut up..."

He laughed. "That's not very nice!"

"Fuck you."

Len held his hands up, warding her off. "Ouch! Language!"

Rin rolled her eyes and huffed, her cheeks still burning.

Len plumped himself onto the black leather couch, his arm stretched out along the back. "Well? Homework, out!"

Rin rolled her eyes, and smiled. "I'm going to make dinner first. If I can put off homework for even just another half hour, you know I'll do it!"

Len rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm going to force you to finish it sometime tonight anyway, you know."

"Yeah, yeah..." I laughed, and strode into the kitchen.

As I chopped the vegetables for dinner, my thoughts returned to that nagging event that had happened earlier that day.

_'It's Len...'_

Stupid girl. How could Miku like Len, out of all people? They'd never fit together! They'd probably last, like, a day, and then break up. That is, if they even started dating- which they totally wouldn't!

But still, the thought bugged me to the point were I dropped my knife and the pepper I was cutting, and leaned against the doorframe, peering out into the living room, where Len still sat.

"Hey Len?" He turned and looked at me. "Len, can I... ask you something?"

He scratched his head nervously. "Uh... depends what it is, I guess. Like... if it's a girl problem, I'm sure Miku's home, and the phone is right there." he pointed to the device.

"No, uh, it's about her." I corrected. "Um... What do you think of her?"

Len frowned, his bangs falling into his face. "What do you mean?"

"Like..." I squeezed my eyes shut, and blurted out the next words as quickly as I could. "Do you want to go out with her?"

_Stupid, stupid, **stupid!**_

As soon as the words left my mouth, I turned beet red. I was completely mortified...!

To this day, this remains the part of my life that I look back on the most. Perhaps if I'd said something different, or just hadn't said anything at all, I could have spared myself a life-threatening pain.

But you can't change your past.

"Why do you ask...?" Len said, his head cocked to the side in confusion, and thoughtfulness.

"Oh... it's nothing." I let out a nervous laugh. "Just... apparently she likes you. Weird, huh?"

Oh yes, so funny and weird. Hahaha. Ha. But of course, as always, fate was laughing at me instead of _with_ me.

"..." A long pause, then, "Huh." Suddenly, my palms began to sweat, and I wiped them off on my jeans.

Another few seconds ticked by, before finally... "She's pretty cute."

I sighed in relief. So that's the only way he thought of her! Cute, but not girlfriend material. Of course not! I really _was_ just being silly! There was nothing to worry about here!

"Yeah, I guess I could date her..." his cheeks flushed as he said those words, and my stomach did a flip-flop.

What?!

"So... she really likes me?" he asked, brushing his hair out of his face with his fingers.

I felt like I was going to be sick. "U-Um... well, she didn't actually say it, but..." It was too late to dig myself out of this one, but I could at least try... couldn't I? "I probably misunderstood."

"Oh." I didn't miss the flash of disappointment that appeared on his face, but he quickly composed himself, trying to appear disinterested. "Oh well. Whatever."

'You should know by now, Len, that I can easily see through your poker face.' I thought to myself, frowning, as I sped back into the kitchen to keep the food from burning.

* * *

I was out before the school bell even rang.

I couldn't wait to get home, away from that over-crowded building filled with stupid teenagers and their raging hormones.

I took a deep breath of fresh air. After being cooped up in a place that smelled strongly of sweat and garbage all day, it was nice to breathe pure oxygen into m lungs. In fact, right now, I felt like a kid on Christmas day, staring at the dozens of presents under the Christmas tree.

"Oh my God, Rin!"

Miku ran up to me, and I stopped to let her catch up.

School today was brutal and tiring for me, but she seemed like she had just stepped out from a spa. Her eyes sparkled like an anime character's, and her cheeks were flushed pink.

"Rin... I don't think I'll **ever** be able to thank you enough!"

I cocked my head. "What? What is it? What happened?"

Miku twirled around, doing a little happy dance. "Well... okay, you know how Len and I have gym together, right?"

Uh-oh. The looming pine tree began to waver, as the kid's eyes widened, watching it.

"Uh, sure. Okay, go on."

Miku covered her face with her hands. "Well, when we were dismissed, he stopped me before I could go back into the change room, and... well, you know. Change."

I nodded, not quite sure if I really wanted to hear this. "Mm-hm...?"

"Well, anyway, he stopped me, and he told me that you told _him_ that I liked him- so you broke our promise, and I'll kill you for that later." she beamed. "Anyway, he asked if it was true."

"And?"

"Well, I did the shy-girl act- you know, the one I showed you, that makes you look innocent and rape-able, while pretending to act totally natural. Remember?"

In response, I ducked my chin to my chest, rolling my hand into a gentle fist, and bringing it to my lower lip. Then I glanced up at her, creasing my eyebrows upwards.

Miku giggled, and whistled. "You remember it~! Good for you~!"

I laughed with her too, as she continued the story. "So, I told him that maybe I did, and he just..."

The speech was interrupted by another fangirl squeal. "He smiled and told me that he kinda liked me too, and now we have a date on Friday!" Another squeal. "And it's all thanks to you!"

I can not stress enough how stupid I was to do that then.

If I hadn't told Len about Miku's crush, I probably could have avoided my meeting with the school rooftop. If I'd been patient, and silent, instead of trying to figure out every little thing that bugged me... maybe I could have saved myself.

But I didn't.

I told him. He asked her out. Miku was more than happy to agree. And I jumped off the roof willingly.

* * *

_And THIS is where it all begins. :D_

_That was fun~!_

_I didn't get to add in as much Len as I wanted, though. He doesn't seem quite as appealing yet as he needs to be... maybe I'll add a little scene next chapter!_

_By the way... *looks both ways* *leans in and whispers*_

**I wrote my first lemon the other day.**

_/ It's called 'Learning The Alphabet', and I'm quite pleased with it... It was easier to write than I thought it would be, actually! It would seem I have a gift for pervertedness...! XD_

_I even had the nerve to show my real-life friends at school._

_To say the least... they liked it. A lot._

_It was funny, because my friend Alyse was reading over my other friend Beth's shoulder, and she kept on saying, "Oh, ew!", but she couldn't stop reading it! XD (I printed it out, and it was 13 pages long.)_

_Beth was kind of... hypnotized. And at the end, she started laughing hysterically when Kaito said 'The more, the merrier!' XD _

_My friend Rebeccah, on the other hand... she adored it. Her face was so red, and when I first told her about it, she was practically clawing my face out, desperate for me to print it out for her. I think she knows parts of it by heart... XD_

_But anyway... I find there aren't enough Kaito x Rin lemons. There aren't enough Rin x Mikuo lemons either. So... I made my own. *shrug* Ehehe... perhaps I'll write more lemons in the future...? I don't know if I'd do it for this story, though. It would take too long to get to that point, so it wouldn't be fair to call the entire story a lemon. People would be disappointed. XD_

_I'll probably make Puppy Mill into a lemon-ish story. I mean, I'm already rating it M, and there's plenty of sexual content. :F_

_I feel like I already may be turning around in circles too much for this story... I find I'm repeating myself a little too much, and overexaggerating things. Perhaps I should have planned this out a little more...? I mean, I know the basic main events, but I haven't planned too much into detail for this story's beginning... I'm starting to think it's too bland. Too boring. Too main-stream. It's... lacking something. Maybe that's why I'm forced to exaggerate some things... because I don't have anything else big happening. There's no suspense. It's just an average life so far._

**Question of the Chapter: What is something you'd like to see in this story? Do you have any kind of suggestion or request for me?**

_You guys were really great with The Girl in the Ward, and you gave me tons of good ideas that helped spice up the story. If you guys to do the same thing here, I will be out of this Writer's Block really quickly!_

_Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed chapter 2! If you did, leave a review, and tell me about it! If you didn't, leave a review, and tell me why not, so I can improve!_

_Love,  
Naty  
AKA the best Fanfiction author in the world with a story called 'Merry-Go-Round'! :D (2)_

* * *

_(1) It's part of the Seven Sin series. All of them have that at the beginning, where they say, "Saa... something something." Daughter of Evil says "Saa... bow down to me now!" or something like that. The Madness of Duke Venomania says something like "Saa... shall we dance?" I think "Saa... shall we begin?" is from Conchita The Epicurean, but I could be wrong. It's been quite while since I've listened to a mothy song... ... ... Oh. Wait. Never mind. I didn't even realize Capriccio Farce was playing on my MP3 right now. XD FAIL. (Capriccio Farce is a mothy song that features 8 different Vocaloids. :3)_

_(2) Note: I've never even seen any other story called 'Merry-Go-Round', and that was meant as a joke. If you just so happen to have a story with the same name, I'll apologize in advance. I do not mean to hurt anyone's feelings by this comment._

* * *

**Please press that magic review button!**

**\/**


	3. Rolling Film

**Merry-Go-Round**

_Why hello there~!_

_I'm still thinking of a way to spice this story up... but I'm still not certain how to do so. I guess we'll just play it by year, see how it goes._

_I usually think up most of my ideas while actually writing the story, strangely enough. Perhaps I'll know what to do once I finish this chapter! Hopefully... Hopefully I will. I'd like to know._

_Someone suggested I introduce another important character, like Kaito as the super smexy guy who suddenly decides he wants Rin. She asked if it was too cliché, and although I'm not sure about the cliché part, I don't think I'll be able to use that in the story. (Is that too much of a spoiler?)_

_Another suggested I enroll Rin in piano lessons. However, this would be too much like another fic I read, therefore, I can't do that._

_However... I'm still thinking of adding those ideas in, perhaps in different ways. You've given my mind more things to work with by offering these ideas, and I am extremely grateful! I was so very tempted to add in the sexy Kaito... but... ... ... Meh. My logic said no. And yet, my fangirl senses are saying yes, oh, God yes, please! ... ... ... It's not easy to ignore my inner fangirl... so... we'll see._

_As for the piano lessons... well, that idea was very helpful, because it steered me onto a different path. Unfortunately, I can not yet tell you the results of this thinking, for it may be too much of a spoiler, but... *shrug* It definitely helped get me started, because it's something that I can add in right away, instead of having to build up momentum like I'd need to for romance._

_Anyway... I'd like to thank everyone for their help, and hopefully, this chapter won't be as 'bland' as the two before. (Someone described it as bland, which I felt was the best way to describe it, since I felt the same about it. It would seem that when planning this story, I'd thought more of the middle and end than the beginning... -.- Perhaps that wasn't the smartest thing.)_

* * *

**Anonymous Reviews:**

**Purple f:** Hmm… I don't think I ever really found it disgusting. More like… 'Shit. If I get caught with this… I'm dead. Oh… but it's good.'  
It seems I forgot to reply to your other review, too. -3-  
Hmm… I guess it usually is. Although, my story Dust in the Corner had Miku all suicidal and depressed… *shrug* Rin suits it better, I find. Sorry, Rin…! XD  
Heh heh, yeah, I don't like it when Len is the victim of cougar-ladies. XD But… he probably does. XD  
HELL YES, PLEASE GET AN ACCOUNT- I'd be glad to help you out~! ^w^  
Yes, yes it is kind of addicting…

* * *

**Chapter 3 – Rolling Film**

* * *

I awoke Friday morning to the promising scent of bacon.

My mouth was watering as I followed my nose to the kitchen, and I stared in awe at the woman cooking it.

"Mizki... I love you so much..." I said, trying not to drool.

Mizki chuckled, brushing her wavy dark hair off her shoulder. "Well, I'm glad to hear it! Come on, sit down! Breakfast is almost ready!"

Who exactly is Mizki, you may be wondering? Mizki and Yuuma were a young couple in their mid-twenties who lived two houses left from ours.

Len and I had helped them carry in their boxes when they'd first moved into their house, and since then, Mizki had 'adopted' us.

The two would visit very often, and Mizki was more of a womanly figure to me than my own mother. No, cross that- Mizki was more of a **mother** to me than my real mother.

Sure, my real mother had been there for my first period. But Mizki was the one who bought me my very first bra.

My real mother was rarely home, while Mizki and Yuuma came over whenever they could.

Every Friday morning, I'd wake up knowing Mizki would be in that kitchen, because she'd promised me she would. I knew Yuuma would be sitting at the table, reading whatever he found interesting in the paper.

Because of them, Friday was probably my favorite day of the week.

But not this Friday.

As Len grinned my way from the kitchen table, I frowned to myself, remembering what exactly had been planned for today.

By the faint red tinge of Len's cheeks, I knew both Mizki _and_ Yuuma had already made him quite aware about it. So much for hoping he'd forget about it…

I sat at my spot; the chair on the right side, where I could see through the window. Even if I'd never really enjoyed _being _outside, I liked being able to look out in the morning.

Like how Yuuma read the paper, it let me know how the outside world was.

Today, as usual, the world seemed peaceful. How strange it seemed compared to my emotions.

"Well…?" Mizki sang. "Do you know what Len has planned today?" When I didn't answer, she took it as a no. "Little Lenny has a _date_!" she giggled. "Isn't that sweet?"

"Quit it already…" Len groaned, his cheeks again reddening.

But he had a small smile on his face, like he was pleased at the thought.

"But I'm so proud of you!" Mizki cheered.

"It's not like it's my first date…" Len said, trying to hide his face now.

"And why should that matter?" Yuuma asked, leaning in closer to listen. Obviously he was enjoying the teasing.

"Because… it's not like it's _that_ big of a deal…"

Even though he didn't mean it in the way I wanted him to, I found it satisfying that he'd said that. Because of course Miku shouldn't be _that _big of a deal!

While Mizki continued her pestering with my poor brother, Yuuma turned towards me. "Do you have anything planned, today, Rin?"

I smiled to myself. As a loving sister, I had to make sure everything would be appropriate for Len's… meeting. "I'm going to go see a movie."

Len seemed to perk up at that. "Really? So are Miku and I!"

As if I didn't know that.

"Are you going alone?" Yuuma asked.

I thought about lying, but if Len saw me there, I could get myself into a bit of trouble. "Um… yeah."

"What movie are you going to see?" Len asked.

I laughed. "What is this? Criminal interrogation? This isn't CSI!"

Len rolled his eyes. "I was just wondering… maybe you could come with Miku and I."

I blinked for a moment.

I'd originally planned to follow them, sit a few rows behind them, and maybe throw popcorn at Miku for the entire movie. But… being a third wheel wasn't a bad idea either.

Maybe I couldn't throw popcorn at her like I would have been able to with my original plan… but there was far more I _would_ be able to do if I were sitting directly beside her.

"What? Are you too shy to be alone with a girl?" Yuuma teased.

Len blushed, and opened his mouth to say something, but I quickly cut him off. "Sure, that'd be nice!"

Again, he blushed, as if perhaps what he was about to say was that he'd changed his mind about letting me come with him. It was a good thing I'd interrupted, then.

I smiled sweetly, innocently. "Well? What time should I meet you both?"

Resisting the urge to pout, Len mumbled, "Right after school… we'll wait for you out front."

* * *

School seemed to pass slowly, so painfully slow.

Every second passed like a blow to my head, and class was exhausting.

History was even more boring than usual. I didn't care about his story (1)! I'd been trying to focus on the man teaching for the last hour or so!

At least the day was almost done… All that was left in the day was biology. Or was it chemistry? Hmm… Let's rephrase: All that was left in the day was science. … Of some sort.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

It was teasing me, taunting me, enjoying my impatience, drinking in my frustration.

Just like you are… aren't you?

Finally, the bell rang.

I shot out of my seat so quickly, it startled those beside me, and a few chuckled.

But I couldn't help it.

I thought I'd be able to entertain myself all day by imagining what I'd do later. But I'd imagined enough now, and was growing impatient. EXTREMELY impatient.

I rushed down the halls, swerving around anyone who was walking too slow for my liking, maybe even accidentally pushing some people out of the way.

It was as if I thought that maybe the faster I got to Science, the faster the class would go by. Well, if that were the case, then I'd rush to every class this quickly.

But I didn't want to get swallowed up by the ocean of teenagers forming behind me. I was already annoyed enough by the slow ticking of the time- getting caught in a claustrophobic mob would get me fuming.

With a victorious smile, I swerved into the Science room – or, one of them, at least. Hopefully, the right one.

I skipped to my seat in the very back row. The girl who'd been declared my lab partner – Gumi – was already sitting in her seat beside mine.

Megumi Megpoid was a quite girl – or so I'd thought. We rarely spoke before today, and I'd automatically assumed she was just shy.

Later, I figured out it was only because I hadn't seemed interesting enough for her.

As I plopped down beside her, I saw the ghost of a smile on her face. "Something funny?"

"Why are you so excited about science class?" she asked, raising a thin eyebrow in my direction.

If I'd been asked to rate Gumi Megpoid on a scale from 1 to 10, I'd probably have said a 6.

It wasn't that she wasn't pretty- she was –but she just didn't stand out all too much. Later on, that number would have changed to a 7, then an 8, and then a big, fat, mocking 0.

She had emerald green hair that went down to her shoulders, with bobby pins poking through the strands, keeping her hair behind her ears. Her turquoise blue eyes danced in amusement as she watched for my reaction, rosy pink lips pursed.

"It's almost the end of the day. That's all it is." I answered her. "Is that a problem?"

She let out a small 'hmph' of amusement. "No, not at all. I was just wondering."

There was silence between us as more people began filling the room.

"Your name…" she said. "You're Rin Kagamine… correct?"

I smirked. "Correct? What century are you from?"

Gumi rolled her eyes. "The 21st century, like everyone else in this room."

"Hmm… wouldn't you be from the 20th century?" I asked. "That's where I'm from at least."

Gumi laughed. "Whatever. That's a trick question you asked me; no matter what I said, you would've told me I was wrong."

"Maybe."

Another laugh, then a pause. "So… why exactly are you so excited to get out of school? Anything special happening?"

"So I have to have some special arrangement planned to be excited for the end of school?"

"Good point." Gumi chuckled.

"Well… I'm just going to a movie theater. No big deal." I shrugged.

She paused again. "… With your brother? Len Kagamine?"

Hesitantly, I nodded, and her eyes began sparkling as if she'd discovered a new species.

At the time, I'd wondered if maybe she had a crush on my brother. But no, she had no interest in him- it was all about me.

"Hmm…" she said, and a small smirk stretched her lips. "That's nice. What movie are you seeing?"

"I don't know yet." I answered, a little confused over the sudden gleam in her eyes.

"Hm." She said. She paused. Then, "Tell me how it went tomorrow."

I blinked. "What…? What do you mean?"

"He's dating Miku Hatsune, right?" she asked.

"Well, yes, or, but, it's not official yet, and-"

"She's coming with you, right?" Gumi interrupted.

"Well, yes, but it's not like I really-"

"Well, then, tell me how it went." Gumi repeated.

I was still a little dumbfounded with her sudden request.

Because of my suspicion of her having a crush on Len, I'd thought she wanted me to tell her it had gone terribly, and Len had broken up with Miku.

Even to this day, I'm not quite sure what she'd been thinking.

Science class went by just as slowly as History, once Gumi and I stopped talking. I didn't miss her quiet giggles, though, as if she were laughing at her own thoughts.

Or maybe she was laughing at me… I wouldn't know.

Eventually, the bell rang – finally – and I rushed to my locker.

My lock hung unlatched on its hook, as always. It's a bother to put in the combination every time, so why not just let it look like it's locked instead of actually locking it?

I slid it off, then opened the plain gray door that guarded my belongings.

My brown book bag hung in it, which held my sketchbook, my laptop, pencils, pens, dozens of crumpled papers, and… my diary.

When I'd first started writing in my diary, I had fantasies that someone would find it, read all my secrets, and somehow fall in love with me through it. Unrealistic, yes, but even now, I half-heartedly wished for it.

Recently, I'd decided that my secrets were too dangerous to leave out in the open.

After all… they'd tell the tale of a girl with a crazy, twisted mind, who'd jumped off a roof because of forbidden, disgusting feelings for her very own brother.

It'd be safer if I brought them with me, stored them in my bag in a brown leather book.

I slipped the strap over my head, grabbed my neon yellow lunch bag, and hurried for the front door of the school.

But naturally, I didn't make it on time; a flood of teenagers pushed and shoved to get where they needed to be, regardless of who fell. And I'd just gotten caught in the current.

So while I did my own pushing and shoving, I slowly drifted closer to the end of the hallway, then turned right. A turn left, then another turn right, and there was the double door entrance I'd been looking for.

With a sigh, I opened it.

Miku and Len, I was pretty sure, had their last class together. In English, maybe? Or was it Math? Or maybe it was a different science class…? Oh, whoops. I'd forgotten to go back to homeroom before leaving. Whatever.

The point is, their class was near this entrance. That, at least, I knew. Which meant that, naturally, they were here before me.

I made sure my white headband was on right, so that my bow was perfectly centered on my head, then strode towards them.

They sat on the ground, near the flag pole (2), talking and smiling.

I strode up to them. "Hi!"

Len glanced up, only just noticing me now. "Oh, hey. Ready to go?"

I nodded. "Yep!"

I turned my gaze to Miku, and cocked my head.

I really couldn't help but feel sadistic as I stared at her, and when I spoke, I couldn't help but add a little malice to my voice. "Well, Miku? Ready?"

Oblivious as always, she only smiled, and nodded, although I noticed the faintest flicker of annoyance in her eyes.

Ah haha… Sorry I crashed your _date_, Miku~!

But of course, just like everything else in this miserable world, my little _plan_ backfired.

Go figure.

* * *

"Here." Len smiled. "You two sit down. I'll go get popcorn."

Miku grinned. "Alright! Thanks!"

'Alright. Thanks!' I quietly made fun of her. 'Tee hee hee~!'

We sat down in the middle of the theater, and watched the commercials play on the screen.

"So… changed your mind yet?" I whispered to her with a smile.

"Are you kidding?!" No. Why would I be kidding? "Len is an awesome boyfriend!" Miku cheered.

"You're not dating." I reminded her.

"Yet…!" she lifted a finger to her chin. "No worries, in a few years time, we'll be sister-in-laws!" she giggled.

Um… no thanks.

I smiled at her, then turned back towards the giant screen.

Then again… it's not like Len is actually mine… (yet.)  
In a few years time, maybe Miku _will_ be my sister-in-law, and I'll be happily married to someone else, with two young children.  
I don't _have_ to be with Len… in fact, it'd be better if I weren't.

"Here!"

I watched Len pass a bag of popcorn to me, then to Miku. He paused while handing her the strawberry milkshake she'd asked for, and winked.

Miku bit her lip, and blushed, smiling.

Yes, it'd be better if I weren't… but there's no way I'm ever going to give up that easily.

Call me naïve… but I don't want to lose without even putting up a fight.

So, as Len sat down in the seat between us, I discreetly spit out the mint flavored gum from my mouth, leaned back and mimed a stretch, then secretly reached behind Len… and glued the sticky treat into Miku's long teal locks.

Hahaha. Ha. Ha. Have fun getting that out, Hatsune.

The beginning of the movie started, but I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy thinking of another way I might be able to hinder Miku's efforts of seduction. (3)

The girl on the theater screen had just tripped and fell. Someone stopped walking and helped her up.

Ignoring them, I reached out across Len as if to tap Miku, to tell her something.

But instead, I was hoping to tip that paper cup of milkshake all over her lap. How fun that would be~!

"Oh!"

Len flinched, and knocked over his own cup of coke onto his own lap. Startled, I pulled my hand away from Miku.

Wow. So very smooth, Len…

As the coke soaked into his jeans, wetting his lap, Miku squeaked.

"Oh, gee! Here, I have napkins, I'll help!"

Dear Karma,  
if you truly exist, I'd just like to yell out a big 'Fuck you', before continuing on with my miserable life. I hate you.

Stupid little Miku did something I don't think either of us Kagamines expected:

"Damn it! Hopefully I can rub it out enough so it won't stain!"

Yes… you guessed correctly.

She'd decided to try and rub _there _with the napkins, instead of simply passing them to Len for him to do himself.

Speaking of Len… well… he was wide-eyed and watching. Just sitting there, and freaking watching, with a red blush on his face.

I swear… if that wasn't a boner-face I saw, then I'm not quite sure what is.

"Um… here." I offered, already thinking something up. "Let me try."

You should have seen the look he gave me then.

I'm still not quite sure what it was. Horror? Amazement? Confusion, definitely.  
I'd like to think there was a small amount of him that was pleased with my offer… but I'd be surprised.  
Ah, yes, perhaps that was all it was; a surprised expression. But I'll always be wondering what he was thinking when I suggested that…

Normally, I wouldn't have dared try something so bold… but perhaps I could use teenage hormones to my advantage.

After all, if he was only watching Miku, perhaps I could get more than even Miku had by using the same method.

"Oh… okay, sure." Miku handed me fresh napkins.

I flashed a quick innocent smile Len's way, then got to 'work'.

When I pressed down, I had sudden doubts about whether Miku was really as oblivious as she seemed- I mean, how could she **not** have felt that?

Hiding a small smile, I rubbed the napkin against him.

What a slutty girl I am… Ahaha…!

He gasped suddenly, and squeezed my eyes shut.

A smirk spread itself across my face. See that Miku? You aren't the only one who has an affect on him…!

Suddenly, his hand gripped mine.

For a second, I thought he was going to force me to press onto him harder, and I'm sure my eyes sparkled.

"Stop it."

My eyes widened in surprise.

He refused to look at me, his face a dark red.

Perhaps it was twin telepathy, perhaps it was simply obvious, but I could read his thoughts just then.

And he was wondering whether I was really as naïve as Miku, or if I'd done what I'd done on purpose.

And for that reason, I widened my eyes even more, to make me look more innocent.

Because if he'd decided I'd done it on purpose… well… my fantasies were just fantasies. He wouldn't be pleased. He'd be uncomfortable around me.

Instead of bringing us closer to that place I desperately wanted to be, I would have distanced us further than I could have imagined.

I hadn't really thought of all that in that second- but rather, during the lonely nights when I wondered, 'What if things had been different?'

Perhaps if I'd have taken that chance…?

But I hadn't. And even if I'll never know whether it was a good choice or a bad choice, I think that, for once, this may have been the right one.

Maybe.

"U-Uh… Sorry." Embarrassed, I retreated back to my own seat.

And, in fear of receiving any more karma, I didn't try any other pranks on Miku Hatsune.

Or, at least… not on that specific day.

Haha. Ha.

* * *

_Hmm…_

_I'm not sure if this was such a smart way to go… perhaps it would have been better for Rin to simply pout at Miku's actions. … Yeah, probably._

_Maybe I'll change it later. But, for now, I just really want to post something. I've posted nothing this entire week! That, my friends, is because I'm grounded, though. ^w^_

_Anyway… so… yep._

_Sorry this took so long. :3_

_And, again, I'll probably change this chapter to make it a little more innocent after all. So… yeah. If you see this at the top of the update list, and it still has only 3 chapters, that may be why._

_Oh, yeah, and I'm trying to be a little more descriptive of 'in-between' scenes- such as when Rin was walking through the school hallways. I figured it'd be nicer than just 'I walked through the hallways'. Well? Was it any better? Do I still need to work on it?_

_Bleh…_

**Question of the chapter **_(I almost forgot again…)_**: Do you think I should boost this story's rating to M, or keep it at T?**

**Question of the chapter 2: What do you think about Gumi?**

_I personally kinda like Gumi! I think she'll be fun to play around with... she's supposed to seem strange and mysterious. Maybe even a little suspicious. And... I suppose this may be considered a spoiler... but I have a feeling she'll play a very big part in this story. (I don't just have a feeling, I actually **know** she will!)_

_I'm going to go die now. C:_

_Bye bye!_

_Love,_

_Naty_

* * *

_(1) It's a play on words: History = His story Get it? I found that when looking at the Michael Jackson album of the same name. XD_

_(2) Note how I didn't mention which flag. -.o I'm still not sure what country they belong to…_

_(3) Ahaha, Rin! I think you may be taking this all a little too seriously… -wo_

* * *

**Reviews very appreciated! Please?**


	4. Continuation

**Merry-Go-Round**

"_UNINSTALL~! UNINSTALL~! Doo doo doo dah deed ah doo, dah dee dah doo~! Doo dah doo dah dah~! Lalalalala la lalalala...~!"_

_... What? It's stuck in my head...! Ever since I taught myself to play it on piano... *mumble mumble*_

_HELLOOOOOOO~! Nice to see you all again~! Did you have a good Thanksgiving, my American friends? And to any Jewish reader out there, I wish you a happy early/late bar mitzvah! (Tee hee, I love saying that word~! XD Bar mitzvah~!) _

_It's nice to see you all on this fine, cold, miserable outdoors, winter day~! (Sometimes, I really hate being Canadian... cold, wet stuff. :P)_

_Speaking of cold stuff, you wanna know something funny that I realized the other day? Edward Cullen can't get boners. XD_

_See, to get a boner, a dude's blood gets rushed down there- according to my school nurse -which then 'gets it up', if you know what I mean. *wink wink* Therefore, because vampires don't have blood in their veins, the blood cannot rush down there, which means 'it' stays forever down~! XD Poor Bella..._

_ANYWAY, uh..._

_I'm grounded. AGAIN. Isn't that splendid? ^-^ At this rate, I'll never be able to post a chapter ever again... trust me, my mother has tried. BUT JUSTICE SHALL PREVAIL!_

_Rin: ... *whispers* How is this justice?_

_Len: *whispers back* I've got no idea... just smile and nod._

_Rin & Len: *smile and nod*_

I heard that. -3-

_Rin & Len: owo" *smile and nod*_

You two... you're lucky you're so damn cute. *mumble mumble*

_Rin & Len: *smile and nod*_

_So... *ignores the twins* I've decided to change that scene at the end- you know... THAT scene. Rin won't offer to 'help' clean. It'll just be Miku. HOWEVER, I haven't gotten the chance to do that yet, and fix it up. So just... pretend it's already fixed. I'll do it when I get ungrounded, or something._

Hmm... I'm kinda stuck on what to start with!

_Luka: When are you not?_

Hm, a very good point indeed, Miss Megurine! Meh. I'll find something. :3 I always do! ;D

Let us start with... school. Cause we all just looooove school, don't we? *chuckles* No, we may not all like school, but we do all love Gumi! ... Right?

_Miku: ... Meh, she's okay, I guess... I mean, I don't think she's ever murdered **me**, so... I'm fine with her._

_Rin: ... Yeah, sure, Gumi's cool._

_Luka: Happy Synthesizer's a pretty fun song..._

_Len: So are 'Ah, it's a Wonderful Cat's Life', and 'First Love Academy'._

_Rin: Yeah, I love First Love Academy!_

=.=" Proof that I don't feature Gumi in my A/Ns enough...

_Gumi: ..._

... Or maybe she's just too quiet.

_Gumi: ... :)_

_Anywho... as usual, I'm grounded. As usual, I'm defying that fact. It isn't necessarily my fault for not doing school work... it's their fault for not making it interesting._

_I cut my finger on a mirror today. And no, I do not mean emo-ly smashing a mirror and slicing my finger to watch the blood drip out into the sink, all my pain and misery mixed within it. No, I mean literally cutting my finger on the edge of a mirror._

_My electronics bag, 'The green bag', as we call it, has a mirror on the top half lid thing. However, there's a tear in the leather, so one corner is always poking out. I ws trying to squish back in, today, when all of a sudden, my finger slipped, and it just... bit me. I squeaked (as embarassing as it sounds), and when I looked at my finger, it was super ewey and bloody. It was actually bleeding quite a bit... so much, that just by running up the stairs, it was already running a stream down my finger. My guess is because I don't cut myself very often... but still._

_Now, I have a band-aid on my left index finger- the finger I use most often when typing. =.=' Of course... it's very annoying, and is causing me so many typos, I'm lightly considering taking it off and risking bloodstains on my retarded laptop._

_Oh, yeah! I spent a good hour or two watching the new Project Diva F PVs. THEY. ARE. FANTASTIC._

_A few months ago, I saw previews of World's End Dancehall, Cat Food, Melancholic, Himitsu Keisatsu (Secret Police), some Meiko song (but it wasn't Nostalogic), some Kaito song (but it wasn't Ashes to Ashes), and... I think I also saw a really bad quality Weekender's Girl._

_Now that I've seen the full versions of all these different songs... It makes me wish I had a PS Vita. D:_

_The songs I've seen so far (for that game) are:_

_-World's End Dancehall  
__-Cat's Food  
__-Melancholic  
__-Hatchi Hatchi Flowery Battle of the Kagamines  
__-Odds and Ends  
-God Song  
__-Continuation of the Dream  
__-Dye  
__-Nostalogic  
__-Ashes to Ashes  
__-World's End Umbrella  
__-Secret Police (Himitsu Keisatsu)  
__-Unhappy Refrain (Miku vers.)  
__-Remote Control :D  
__-FireFlower :D  
__-Acute  
__-Left Behind City  
__-Weekender's Girl  
__-Nyanyanyanyanya  
__-Online Game Addicts Sprechor  
__-Sadistic Music Factory  
__-Eh? Ah, Sou. (Eh? Oh, Yeah.)  
-Black Rock Shooter  
__-Music of Heavens  
-Stay with Me  
__-Negative Positive Continues  
-Summer Idol  
__-Douiukotonano!? (What Do You Mean!?)  
-Megane  
-Freely Tomorrow  
-Time Machine  
And soon, -Tell your World and -Sweet Devil (YES!), and possibly also Senbon Sakura (Thousand Sakura) (DOUBLE YES!).  
_

_Acute is the best one BY FAR.. The choreography is AMAZING, and it's all so... beautiful. Just the dancing tells the whole story... you don't even need an actual translation or something to be able to figure out what's going on. It's just... amazing. It makes my heart hurt to watch it... QwQ_

_World's End Dancehall is a close second._

_Weekender's Girl would be my 3rd place finalist, with Remote Control close behind._

_I was really disappointed with Himitsu Keisatsu (Secret Police), Unhappy Refrain, and Left Behind City._

_Left Behind City just has Miku drive a car the whole time. You can tell the producers got kind of lazy. They could have done so much more with it..._

_For Himitsu Keisatsu, all they had her do was skip around a stage and sing. Although the stage was really well designed, I wish they'd actually shown her kicking bag guy butt instead- after all, that's what Secret Police is all about._

_Unhappy Refrain was the second most disappointing song there, only after Left Behind City. First, it turns out to e the Miku version. Q-Q The Miku version, I find, doesn't sound powerful enough. I prefer the Rin x Len version. Anyway, here I am, super psyched to see Unhappy Refrain, and I start watching..._

_It's just a singy video. Miku sings lead vocals, Kaito plays the guitar, and Len smashes at the drums. ... Okay... Where's all the anger? There's no angst! What happened to all the emotion in 'I'll sing until my voice gives out on me, watching as the time passes by me!' ... No? Nothing? Wow. Pfft. Whatever._

_Very sad._

_However, there were quite a few good ones to make up for the bad. Sadistic Music Factory was really well done- amazing - and I was glad to see Online Game Addicts Sprechor, even if the PV was only okay. It's an awesome song._

_Hm? Ah, Sou features a purple Miku, which is really cool. Her pigtails are dark purple curls, and she's wearing a long purple gown. It's really neat to see what she looks like in a different color. I wonder if this will become a new trend... rainbow Miku. I wouldn't be surprised._

_Fire Flower was just as adorable as we'd all hoped it would be. It turns out that Len is singing on that stage for Rin, his summer sweetheart. (Non-cest Rin x Len, much?) At the end, she's so touched she actually starts crying. It's one of those things that make you go, 'Awwwww~!'_

_All in all, I want the game, but I know I can't have it. (Why can't it be for DS...? D:) I'm still patiently waiting for Project Diva Live 2012, and hoping that the Vocaloid 3 concert wasn't it (cause it's just not the same). Perhaps we'll have to wait for 2013... Sigh._

_Just, go watch Project Diva F Acute, please? I promise you, you won't be disappointed. It's fantastic._

_Anyway, let us begin!_

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Continuation**

* * *

"Well? How did it go?"

I glanced over, surprised Gumi said something. She'd stayed quiet since I'd arrived, and I figured that meant she didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

"How did what go?"

"Miku and Len's date." She paused. "Well, plus you. I guess we could say it was a three-way date."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, overly panicked. She hadn't discovered my feelings yet, had she?!

Not once at the time did I wonder why I always thought 'yet'.

She glanced at me innocently. "You tagged along, right? So there were three people; a three-way date."

"Oh." I let my shoulders slump, relieved.

She smiled to herself, head lowered so I wouldn't be able to see. "Why the panic? Hiding something?"

I blinked, the sudden uneasiness returning. "U-Um, no, of course not."

Her smile grew, and I wondered what I'd said wrong. "Rin Kagamine... do you have a boyfriend?"

I jerked back, startled by her question. "I... No!"

"Oh?" She looked back up at me, cocking her head. "Are you telling the truth?"

I made a face. "I don't have a boyfriend." I repeated.

She studied my expression, then turned her attention back to the teacher- physically, that is. "Do you like Miku Hatsune?"

"Why are you asking me all these questions?" I hissed, becoming irratated.

She blinked, seeming confused by my reaction. "I was wondering what could have alarmed you so much from the word 'three-way date'." she stated.

"I wasn't alarmed..." I mumbled. "And I'd rather you not dig into my personal life."

"So you **are **hiding something!"

I huffed, turning my head away.

"It helps to tell a person." Gumi whispered, propping her head up on her hand.

"There's nothing to tell." I muttered. "Life sucks; everyone knows it. That's all there is to it."

"But not everyone has the same reason as to why they think that way."

I turned back to her. "Why do you even care?"

She shrugged. "I'm curious."

"Can't you be curious about someone else?"

"Obviously your social skills are just as bad as mine."

I felt like hitting her. "Shut up..."

"Is it so wrong to want to be friends?"

My gaze shot back to her, surprised by her small confession. "F-Friends?"

"Is it really that hard to believe?" She asked sarcastically, though her teal-colored orbs seemed sincere.

I hesitated, then shook my head. "No... I guess not."

"Good."

"..." Another pause. "... Okay then. Friends."

She shot a small smile my way. "And just remember, I'm not one to spread gossip. No one would believe me anyway."

I shook my head. "No thanks."

"Alright. Just... whatever you plan on doing about your brother, I wish you good luck."

I nodded. "You too. That is... for whatever you need luck on."

She laughed softly. "Trust me, for what I'm aiming for, I'll need quite a lot of it!"

I remember briefly wondering what a girl like Gumi could be aiming for, but I hadn't thought it important. I still wonder what she would have answered, had I asked.

* * *

Because of a small mix up, we students had to have science class in the morning, right before lunch.

As I wandered down the empty halls, I debated actually eating at the cafeteria, but rejected the idea. It was too crowded, and I probably woudn't find a free table anyway.

I started in the direction of my locker, lazily swinging my feet around like a child, then paused, as I passed the janitor's cart.

It was left unnattended, and a red metal toolbox sat innocently on the second rack. I could see a yellow screwdriver poking out of the box, and it was oh so tempting, I had to glance around to look for cameras.

There was one, but I doubted people checked them 24/7, and there were far bigger crimes than screwdriver thefts in this school. I could only hope that, if I did end up getting caught, it would be seen more as a friendly joke.

I tried to remember what Miku had said her schedule was. 'Geography? History? Art? No... Religion. Yes, religion.'

Excited, I ran up the stairs to the second floor, speeding down the hall to the 9th Grade religion classroom.

I seriously thought we'd outgrown the nametag stage. This classroom proved me wrong.

On every desk, there were 4 nametags, one for each period. I glanced at the third nametag on each desk, until I found the one that read 'Miku H'. Very convenient.

Smirking triumphantly, I glanced up again to see if there were any cameras. Nada. The hallways were empty as well, and I still had about 15 minutes 'til classes would resume.

Perfect.

I bent down, and began working on the desk's screws.

It was an old trick of mine that I used to pull on my enemies in grade school, until I got suspended for it in grade 6 or 7. Hopefully, Miku wouldn't remember that fact.

The key was to loosen the screws enough for the desk to collapse under weight, but to not take them out completely, so the desk wouldn't fall apart on its own. Hopefully, no one would sit in Miku's seat before her.

Stepping back, I admired my handywork.

Of course, it wasn't obvious from this point of view, but Miku would be able to truly appreciate it when she'd sit down today. Haha. Ha.

I glanced up up at the clock. 9 minutes left. I'd better hurry if I wanted to eat.

So with one last glance at my masterpiece, I fled the scene, aiming next to fill my stomach.

* * *

It was a rare day that Len and I would walk home together. I liked it, though.

He chattered about anything that came to mind the entire way home, while I laughed and nodded, sometimes arguing or teasing.

So when we finally got to the front door of our home, I was in a great mood, until...

"Oh, hey, someone's here."

I followed Len's gaze to a sleek black car, the kind a teenage boy could only dream of having, but was only in the budget of the rich. The type of car a thief would get a wet dream over. The kind of car you only see in commercials.

"Shit..."

So much for my good mood.

I twisted the door knob, and wasn't surprised to find it unlocked. "Shit, shit, shit..."

Th living room was empty, so I stormed into the kitchen.

And of course, leaning gracefully against our marble counters, stirring a hot whipped cream topped espresso, was Lily Kagamine.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed at her.

She glanced up with a raised brow, unnaffected by my welcome. "How rude. I really should enroll you into charm's school, Rin." She looked around. "Where's your brother?"

"My brother has a name." I snapped.

Lily only rolled her eyes. "I should know; I named him."

"What is it?"

"Pardon?"

"What's his name?"

Lily looked unamused. "Don't pull this with me, Rin. I would never forget my own son's name."

"Then what it is?"

Lily clenched her jaw. "His name is Len Kagamine, and you are both born December 27th." she said. "Happy?"

I sniffed, signifying that no matter what she did, I wouldn't be 'happy' around her.

Just then, Len appeared beside me. "Hi, mom." he said.

"Hello, Len." she nodded his way. "How was school?"

"Fine."

"And your grades?"

"Good."

"What about you, Rin?" the tall woman looked back my way. "How are your grades?"

I couldn't help but sneer. "Below average. I'm just above a failing grade. In fact, my teacher wants to have a meeting with you."

Lily waved her hand. "I don't have time for that."

"No worries, I figured you wouldn't." I shrugged. "I took the liberty of telling them already, too."

"Them?"

"Nearly all of them are concerned about me, dear mother."

She sighed, massaging her temple. "... I'll... I'll send my secretary to take notes. Tell them she'll be there at 3:00 pm on Friday, October 26th. (1)"

"Can't guarantee I will."

She shook her head with an annoyed scowl. "Fine, then. I'll text my assistant to send them all an email."

"Have fun. Do you remember what grade I'm in? Or have you forgotten that too?"

She ignored me, and Len elbowed my side.

"Cool it." he whispered into my ear, and despite myself, I shivered at the feel of his breath. "We still don't know why she's here."

My eyes widened. Ooh, maybe we were changing schools! That'd be perfect, considering all my recent stress was because of a specific girl who wouldn't follow us if we transferred.

That'd be heaven.

"Are we changing schools?" I blurted out.

It took a moment for Lily to finish typing... whatever, and to finally look up. "Mm? Oh, no, of course not."

Well, there goes that.

"The reason I'm here is because your father wants to see you." she explained.

"... Me?" I placed my hand on my chest. "Shit, what did I do?"

Lily's lips tightened. "Both of you." she corrected herself.

"Why?" Len asked, stepping closer to me. Ah, Len's protective instinct... quite cute, really. Whenever he felt a threat, he'd step forward to 'shield' the ones he loved.

It was one of the little things I loved about him.

"I believe he'd like to begin training his heirs." Lily said, rummaging through her purse, and pulling out a compact mirror.

"_Heir__s_? So we're both his heirs?" I asked.

Lily finished applying a fresh coat of lipstick, then dropped her things back into her bag. "Of course not. He'll have someone train you both, and whoever shows the most potential shall one day become owner of the company."

"Oh." It was too much to hope he'd let us both work together.

"Well." She placed her half-empty cup of coffee back on the counter, and butted through us, heading towards the door.

Seeing as our business was now done, I walked over and plumped myself onto the living room couch, grabbing the remote to turn on the TV.

She seemed to hear the noise, and she turned, a confused expression on her face. "What are you doing?"

I gestured at the large screen. "Watching TV." I resisted the urge to add 'Duh'.

"Come on. Your father is waiting."

"Well, as you can see...", I shook the remote, pointing at it, "I'm busy!"

Lily sighed, and turned to my brother. "Len, do you have more sense than your sister, or are you just as stubborn as she is?"

Len stood in the middle, an equal distance between the couch and the door. We both watched him impatiently, anxious to see who he'd choose.

After one last look between, he slowly began to walk towards the couch, and sat down beside me. "Ha!" I cheered.

Lily began muttering something about 'damn disrespectful kids'.

"Tell him to book an appointment!" I yelled out.

"Ease off...!" Len warned in a hushed tone.

"... Fine." Lily answered. I'll be back on Wednesday. I'll call the school to tell them you're taking a day off."

"Or, we could, you know, wait for 'Bring your kid to work' day."

Our mother narrowed her eyes. "Watch your mouth, young lady." She began muttering again, now something along the lines of, 'When I was that age', and 'Neru was so much more polite...'

As the door shut behind her, I snuggled up to Len, and he draped his arm around my back. "Thank you for choosing me over her." I said, batting my eyes. "It meant a lot to me..."

"I don't get why you hate her so much."

Of course. Completely ignored the 'meant a lot' part, and the 'thank you' part, and had to start with 'I don't get you'. Nice.

"She's a terrible mother, Len." I said, simple as pie (2).

"She's trying."

"To be a terrible mother? Well, she's doing a great job at it."

Len sighed. "I don't mean it like that... She's right. You really are stubborn."

"Don't agree with her!" I exclaimed. "Please!"

"..." He stayed quiet.

"Len, she forgot her own kids' birthday last year!" I tried to reason with him. "She never comes home for Christmas, or Halloween, or Easter. To skip out on our birthday, though? That's an all new low. Not right.

"Yes, but she's a busy woman."

"So you're taking her side now?!"

"Calm down, Rin." he said, raising his hands. "I'm just saying-"

"Well don't!" I rose to my feet, feeling betrayed. "Just... shut up!" I yelled, as I ran up to my room.

I heard him call after me, and knew I was just being a drama queen, but I couldn't help being upset. I slammed the door to my room, locking it, and threw myself onto my bed.

I waited, listening for his pounding on the stairs, and sure enough, a few seconds later, he knocked at the door.

"Rin... come on, let me in..."

I grabbed my stuffed Kermit the Frog plush, and squished it to my chest, inhaling its scent, and suddenly, I was happy.

He came after me. Therefore, he still loved me, even if it was only in a sibling way.

He hadn't given up on me yet.

And I dreaded the day I would no longer hear his footsteps following mine.

_'Please, Len, don't give up on me...'_

As usual, my pleas went unheard.

* * *

_Ooh, there's a daddy in the picture! Fun...!_

_Oh god…_

_I just listened to a super sad love song…_

…

… _about Gumi and her fire extinguisher. Q-Q_

_I'm not even kidding. It's so tragic, it makes you want to bawl. D: It's called 'A Classy, Tactful Fire Extinguisher.' SO SAD. Q.Q_

_I've gone through quite a few new Vocaloid songs today! I found one especially good VY1 x VY2 song called Hurting for a very Hurtful Pain, which was by the same producer who made 'Cyber Thunder Cider'. I recommend it to all of you~!_

_Ah, my back hurts… =.= AND I HAVE TO POST THIS!_

_By the way, I **did** end up taking off that band-aid. XD_

_Anyway, I don't have a question of the chapter this time because I'm too LAZY to think one up. :D_

_I'm hoping for at least 4 reviews this chap, please~!_

_I LOVE YOU ALL!_

_Naty17_

* * *

(1) That day, in the story, was Monday, October 22nd, 2011.

(2) Not that the math PIE is very simple... although I wouldn't know. I haven't learnt that yet.

* * *

**Please review. Or the invisible Kaito shall eat you.**


	5. To Be a Kagamine

**Merry-Go-Round**

_:3_

_Hi there~!_

_I'm cold... Brr! My room is cold..._

_But, good news! It started snowing today, and it's sticking to the ground! It would seem Canada __**will**__ be getting a white Christmas this year after all!_

_Oh yeah, speaking of which... Merry Christmas~! And, before I forget... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY BELOVED KAGAMINE TWINS~!_

_Yep, I'm good. ^w^_

_I'm on an update roll again. *thumbs up* I uploaded TGW Ch.10 yesterday (Dec. 20th), Puppy Mill Ch.2 the day before (or around that time), and Lost and Found a week ago. :D_

_Ooh, speaking of which... This may very well be my very last piece of writing ever written. Or... rather, The Girl in the Ward was, since I surely won't have this done by 11:59pm of this day. _

_For the end of the world shall apparently arrive sometime today/tonight._

_Scary._

_... ... ... I haven't seen anything strange as of yet._

_Why are so many people paranoid about the end of the world? No prophecy is going to predict the end; if anything, Earth shall explode when we least expect it, and nobody will notice because we'll all be dead. *shot* I just don't get it... How did this even start?_

_So yes, as you can see, I do not believe in the end of the world._

_... Yep._

_Oh, hey, I got my first flame today!_

_I suppose I shouldn't really call it a _flame_... after all, it was just three short sentences._

_It was a review for Puppy Mill (Chapter 2), and it read;_

"This sucks. No other comment. (Too lazy to log in.)"

_Seeing as it's the first time anyone has ever said something like that to my face (my ego isn't big enough yet to assume that there aren't people who think something of mine sucks), I was... almost excited at first. I figured I'd send this person a nice PM asking them what exactly was it that 'sucked' so bad, and to let them know that when they say something as blunt as that, it sounds a little rude._

_Len: *rolls eyes* Like you have any room to talk..._

_Shut up, Len. I'm ranting, here._

_Anyway... uh... yeah. I _would_ finish this rant, but I've changed my mind, and decided not to add extra poison to the flames. (No pun intended.) This person and I have sorted things out now (sort of...), I got an apology (XD Ehehe...), and perhaps I've learned something. In fact, I had a huge rant written here, but I ended up erasing it. The only reason I didn't erase the whole thing was because I liked that part where I said 'My ego isn't big enough yet to assume blah blah blah...' XD My ego may not be big enough yet for all that, but it _**is**_ big enough to think__ I sounded totally cool saying that. *shot*_

_Okay, okay, I'm sorry...!_

_By the way, due to some late Christmas oneshot, and the strange urge to update Dust in the Corner before this, it is now December 29th, 2012- 8 days after I started this A/N. So... I spent 8 days working on an A/N. ... FAIL. Although it __**is**__ of very impressive length. ChiioMajesty-san would disapprove... XD Very much._

_So, before I annoy all you other huge-A/N-haters, I shall actually get to the story now. -3-_

**(EDIT: *awkward cough* Um... I finally fixed this chapter...! (Like, a month later. :P) It no longer says 'hapter 5', and my line thingies are in their proper place. I apologize once more for my earlier mistakes. *bows*)**

* * *

**Anonymous Reviews:**

_(Sorry guys... I forgot to answer Anonymous Reviews last chapter. ^-^")_

**Purple f: **_Ah, now I feel so bad... I didn't answer your review last chap! TT-TT I'm so sorry...! But it's not weird at all. :') I like replying to your reviews...  
Ooh, you write your name in kanji? That's cool! I don't know how to write my name in kanji... What is your name? Yes, same here. One of my favorites is Abstract Nonsense. It's a song I listen to when I feel sad and lost. D: You don't read anything rated above T? OTL Aw... that makes me think a little more about it... And do NOT be ashamed of your otaku-ness. BE PROUD!_

* * *

**Chapter 5 - To be a Kagamine**

* * *

_Wednesday, October 24th, 2011_

_Dear Diary,_

_Tuesday drifted by quickly to me. Gumi was surprisingly quiet during science class, despite her earlier declaration of us being 'friends'. I did, however, catch her glancing at me several times._

_The rest of the day was uneventful. Nothing out of the ordinary happened- although I felt quite pleased with myself when Miku started complaining about her desk falling apart in religion class. Haha. Ha._

_Now, though, it's early Wednesday. I should be dressed in my uniform and downstairs having breakfast, struggling to be on time for school. But I'm not._

_I'd draw you a picture of what I'm wearing right now, but 1) I'm too lazy, and 2) I don't think I have enough time._

_I'm wearing a black business pencil skirt, rather than the school's pleated skirt. The school uniform's skirt is shorter, but I can't help tugging down on this one every 5 seconds anyway. It makes me feel self-conscious.  
I'm also wearing a white blouse with creamy pearl buttons. There are lacy white patterns all over it, but I don't see the point in them; it blends in with the white fabric anyway.  
Over it, I'm wearing a navy-colored cotton jacket, that loosely hangs off my shoulders. The only reason for it is because the weather is getting cold, but I wouldn't be surprised if my mother decides later to abduct it from me. It may seem too 'casual' for her._

_Ah, yes... I never did explain my absence from school, or my sudden apparel... did I?_

_Why, it's Wednesday. Mother has already personally called us (through an assistant... close enough.) to make sure we were up and remind us not to go to school this morning._

_Because father would like to speak to us._

_Personally, I don't see why this couldn't wait until the weekend. Of course I don't _**like **_school, but I _**do**_ need to be there to graduate. And father should know I need to graduate to be able to run the company. Don't you, daddy?_

_So here I am._

_I wonder what he'll ask us to do. It's been a long time since I last saw him; he's even busier than mother when it comes to work. The last time I saw him was probably about 6 months ago, or maybe even last year!_

_But, nonetheless... I can't help but be at least a _**little**_ excited. He rarely wants anything from me._

_The doorbell just rang, so I have to go now._

_Rin Kagamine_

* * *

I dropped my journal carelessly onto the bed, not bothering to put it back in its rightful place.

"Rin, come on!"

"Coming, Len!"

I ran down the stairs quickly, popping a gum into my mouth to freshen my breath. Despite not being very close to my father, I suppose I still admired him in a sense, and wanted to impress him. If I could, that is.

The driver was waiting patiently by the door, as I grabbed my messenger bag. Len tossed me an orange. "You didn't eat breakfast."

I nodded. "Thanks."

He was dressed rather casually compared to me, but I doubted mother would say anything about it. She'd always favored him anyway.

He wore a plain white T-shirt with an open orange hoodie. A silver dog tag necklace hung loosely around his neck, and his jeans were baggy. He looked like he would any other day, which was slightly irritating (considering I had dressed myself up cleanly), but also kind of relaxing.

No matter what, Lily Kagamine would not be able to change the fact that Len was Len. Or at least, that's how it seemed to me.

But would the Kagamines be able to change me? Would Rin Kagamine turn into a different kind of Rin Kagamine? I suppose I'd have to wait and find out.

"Right this way." The driver said, guiding us towards his limo. "We're a little late."

Ha! That would surely annoy my mother.

"Yes, thank you." Len replied politely, and we both climbed into the back seat.

Our chauffeur seemed rather young to me. He seemed to be in his early twenties, with shaggy black hair, and dark gray eyes. He was dressed in uniform, but he still seemed rather handsome to me- not that I was really considering him in that way.

As soon as the driver got into the car, he pressed a button, and a tinted divider rose up between the seats. I couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed about that; what was he expecting us to do? Was my crush so obvious, he thought I'd try to rape Len in the back of his limo?!

Not that he'd be able to stop us in the first place. If he even tried, he'd be fired. By me. I swelled up in my seat, feeling slightly proud. There was one thing I hadn't truly realized until now about being a Kagamine; being a Kagamine provided power. No one would be allowed to speak against me, despite myself being under 18.

In fact, most of them were probably twice my age, maybe even triple my age, and I'd be able to fire them all with just one word.

Perhaps I liked the sound of that a little too much.

"... Are you excited?"

I turned towards Len. Despite going to a huge business center, he still kept that signature ponytail in his hair, which made me smile. I was proud of him for that. "Maybe... I don't really know what to expect, though."

Len thought for a moment. "Didn't she say we were going to be... trained, or something?"

I noted how he referred to Lily as 'she' instead of 'mom'. "Yeah... training to become dad's heirs, or something." I nodded, then shrugged. "I guess that _does_ sound kind of exciting."

"... Do you want it, Rin?"

"Want what?"

He stared deeply into my eyes in that way he always did when having a serious conversation. "Do you really want to be the heir, Rin?"

I blinked. "And take over the company, you mean?" He nodded. "I-I... well... I've never really thought of it, to be honest. Why do you ask?"

"... I could let you."

That took me by surprise. "What do you mean?"

He looked away. "It's just between you and me, right? So if you really want it, I'll fail on purpose."

I blinked, then laughed. "You're cute, you know that?" I asked, patting his head. He blushed a little. "If I'm going to win this thing, I'd rather win it fairly." I told him. "And besides, I still don't know what I want."

He didn't say anything, just stared at the black divider.

"... Why? Don't _you_ want it?" I asked.

"... Well, I've been sort of... thinking..."

The limo divider lowered. "We're here, Mr, Miss Kagamine."

"O-Oh, thank you." Len said, blushing again.

I smiled. "You get flustered way too easily."

He smiled back, but he seemed bothered, maybe that he wasn't able to tell me whatever it was he wanted to say.

Naturally, that perverted part of my brain began piping up immediately: Maybe he wanted to confess something? Like, that he was breaking up with Miku, or maybe... that he wanted me instead?

I shook my head. Stupid, stupid... No heir would be permitted to think like that, especially not about her own brother...

Together, we walked up the steps of the biggest Crypton office- the main Tokyo building.

It... was huge. But then again, a huge company deserves a huge office, no? Surely, that's what my mother would say.

You may be wondering, dear sadistic readers, why, even though Len and I are obviously filthy rich, we live only in a very simple house.

I suppose there _is_ a real reason for this, though it has never been told to me in person. I suspect it was my father's idea; treat us like average children, and we wouldn't grow up as self-centered snobs. But average children usually had two loving parents... Where were ours?

In this huge building, of course. Because surely work was more important than their own children, right?

The building itself seemed to be made of glass; in truth, the walls were all made of windows. The lobby had a round desk to the back wall, and the floors were sparkling orange tiles, like those in ballrooms. The walls were painted a glittered gold, and a large chandelier hung from the ceiling. It truly looked like we'd stepped into Cinderella's magic kingdom.

People in suits, both male and female, walked from here to there, reading the morning's papers, or chatting amongst themselves.

In one corner was an Asian girl with bright orange hair, and a frilly pink costume. To be honest, she reminded me of Misa-Misa Amane from the Death Note manga, but instead of Misa's black gothic clothing, this girl was a pink Lolita.

An idol.

We walked up to the counter, along with the driver. The driver began murmuring to the desk lady, while Len and I looked around the room.

"It's been a while since we've been here..." Len said.

"Yeah..." We were rarely allowed at the Crypton Headquarters. "Wasn't it blue last time?"

"Mm-hm, yeah... same layout, but everything was dark blue."

"And there used to be more couches n' stuff... I guess they thought it encouraged laziness, or something, so they removed them."

He didn't answer, and I followed his gaze to the pink idol, who was excitedly speaking to a man I could only assume was her agent.

... Humph. Did he find her pretty, or something? Why was he staring at her? ... Perhaps he found the gothic Lolita style attractive? Well then good; I'd finally have an advantage over Miku.

But still... it bothered me how he stared at her. His expression almost seemed sad. Was he fantasizing about being her boyfriend, or something? That would never be allowed; no staff person was allowed to have a relationship with an idol.

Ah... you may be wondering why this idol was even here, and why we have such rules regarding them.

Crypton co. is a talent agency. This is where people go if they want to make it big, want to become stars. This is where all stars are made, where actors and actresses began, where the hottest boy bands were formed.

Being a part of Crypton co. gave you a future in entertainment.

Papa was the founder of this company. It started with a dream- not his dream, but a friend's, actually.  
This friend - a girl by the name of Prima - wanted to be a star, wanted to become a famous singer, but she couldn't get an agent anywhere.  
So papa decided to help her.

Our grandparents were already wealthier than the norm, but nothing to brag about. He borrowed some money, and bought real recording equipment. He recorded a track using musicians he'd hired, had her sing the vocals, added in a professional vocal trainer to help Prima's voice, and mixed the track himself. Then, he paid a radio station to have it played at least once a week for 6 weeks.

It was a huge success; the station liked the song, and ended up playing it twice the first week. The second week, they played it four times. Other stations began to play it soon after, and it became a huge hit.

Agents tried to hire Prima after that, but she remained faithful to the friend who'd gotten her this far already, and papa hadn't worked that hard for nothing; he was ready to make something out of it.

He roamed through the city searching for talented street performers, and when he found some that suited his tastes, he took them in, trained them, and in turn, made them some of the biggest stars in Japan. Little by little, the company grew, until it became one of the largest companies in the talent agency business.

And even though I'd much rather be normal with a regular family than be the heir to a place like this, where no one ever had time for me... I had to admit I was proud to be the heir. I was proud of father for achieving such great things. And maybe, just maybe, I slightly hoped to follow in his footsteps.

Although I probably wouldn't, anyway.

An heir was supposed to be a respected person who was always the center of attention at social events, and could not be disliked by anyone. It was supposed to be a kind person, who'd do anything to help the company. It'd be a person who would actually care and listen.

Len would be perfect for the job. I was none of these things.

I couldn't help but feel slightly blue about it as we stepped into the elevator.

The driver inserted a card key in a slot, and all the numbered buttons lit up, as we were grant access. He pressed the 'K' button; the highest, restricted floor.

The elevator's walls were made of mirrors, so a person could see their front, side, and back reflections. I glanced at the mirror behind us, and saw Len and I reflected in the glass.

We really did look alike, I thought. Especially our eyes... although the blue shade looked much better on him than it did me.

I noticed his trade-mark ponytail again, and suddenly felt ashamed of myself; the usual ribbon I wore on my head, I had deemed too childish looking. Already, Crypton co. had begun taking things away from me...

My ribbon was tied in a bow around my neck. Seeing as we still had a long way to go still until we reached the 'K' floor, I pulled on one side. The knot undid itself, and the thick white ribbon coiled onto my hand.

I reached behind my head, holding up my blond locks, and slid my ribbon alongside my head, tying a knot up top. Then, I glanced again at my reflection and smiled. I looked a little bit more like myself again.

Len had watched me do all this, and smiled at me. I knew he was pleased, which made my heart flip.

'Oh Len... You have no idea what you do to me.'

The doors opened again, and I would have stepped out if Len hadn't stopped me. He pointed at a screen at the very top of the control panel, indicating we were only on the 11th floor. ... Right. Whoops.

On stepped a girl dressed in yellow frills- most likely another idol.

This one had long jade-green hair that went down to her waist and hot-pink eyes. Her cheeks were pale and tear-stained, and her nose looked red and irritated. She was crying.

I immediately noticed the way Len's eyes softened. He'd always been so sensitive to others, I wasn't really very surprised.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly.

Our chauffeur glanced over from where he'd been stiffly standing in the corner. I shot him a look, and he turned his head straight again. There it was, a physical example of the power Len and I held. I couldn't help but smile.

"I-I..." The girl blubbered and sniffed. "They... They fired me!" she finally spit out.

Hm... I wonder why? If she was this disgusting at work, then it was no question (1).

"Why?"

Right... Len and I may sometimes have cases of twin telepathy, but he isn't a mind-reader. He couldn't know I'd already answered the question myself.

"Th-They said my voice was too nasal, a-and I wasn't appealing enough to the target audience..." she sobbed.

Len seemed... almost shaken. I wondered why; he almost looked horrified, as if he'd just realized something terrifying. Perhaps it was the realization that he would have to fire people himself eventually...?

He quickly recovered though, and put on a soothing expression. "You shouldn't cry..." he said, placing his hand on her shoulder. "You know what I'd do if I were you?"

She shook her head, eyes wide and innocent. I could tell she was already falling for my brother. You damn slut...

"If I were you, I'd go straight home to find a teacher who could fix me, make me _less_ nasal. Then, when I'm ready, I'd come back and show them how much I improved, and they'd fall to their knees and beg me to come back. I want you to go do the same thing now, okay?"

The idol nodded vigoriously, seeming completely inspired by Len's words. "O-Okay... I will!" she declared, the tears still falling onto her pale face.

I noticed the driver smirk again, and couldn't help but mimic his expression. Len was good... _too_ good. He'd be perfect for this job.

The girl got off the elevator on the 13th floor, glancing back behind her as if she were leaving a part of her in that elevator with Len. Pathetic, really.

"Impressive..." the chauffeur murmured once the doors had closed again, which made Len blush.

The door stayed closed the rest of the way up, and finally, we made it to the 'K' floor.

The floor was of the same smooth material as the lobby, but there was a huge red 'K' in the center that reminded me of the Kellogg's' logo.

Despite the enormous size of the room, it was practically empty apart from a few fold-up black chairs, some tree-like plants here and there, and a large desk guarding the door which would assumably lead to our father.

The secretary behind the desk looked up upon our arrival and frowned.

She was an old lady with short cropped brown hair, wrinkled tan skin, and almond-shaped brown eyes hidden behind rectangular spectacles. She seemed about 60 years old, and did not look like a very happy old lady.

"Do you have an appointment?" she croaked, looking us over disapprovingly.

The driver who'd escorted us up opened his mouth to speak, but we beat him to it.

"Rin and Len Kagamine." Len and I both said in sync. I was a little bit surprised by this, but flattered we still shared the same wave-length (2).

The secretary gaped at us. "K-Kagamine?!" she repeated. "Um... please wait a moment."

She sat back down and picked up a black corded phone. "... Yes, Mr. Kagamine-san? I have two...", she glanced up at us over her desk, "... young adults", she finally decided to say, "who claim to be Kagamines. ... Yes? Alright." She hung up the phone and nodded at us. "He's waiting for you."

The chauffeur ushered us to the door. I suddenly felt extremely nervous as Len pulled down on the handle. What if I'd do something wrong...?! Then what?!

The driver again nudged us through the open door, until we stood in Leon Kagamine's official office.

He sat at his desk, his hands clasped together, a small smile of amusement on his face. I couldn't help but gasp, seeing him; he looked a lot like Len. In fact, he seemed like an older version of Len- the resemblance was nearly frightening! And I'd always thought we both took after our mother's looks...

Speaking of Lily, she stood to our father's left, glancing us over disapprovingly. I could see from her expression that she disapproved of my bow, which made me happier I'd put it back on.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?"

My eyes locked onto my father, and I couldn't help but stand a little straighter. He seemed to radiate power and authority, and it both frightened me and impressed me.

"Yes... it has." I answered. Len nodded his agreement.

I could feel him examine us with his eyes, looking over every little thing. I wouldn't have been surprised if he could tell my weight just by looking at me, and knew I'd gained 2 pounds recently. He somehow seemed like he'd know such a thing.

"You've both grown a lot since the last time I saw you." he said, his striking green eyes flashing up to our faces again. "Both of you. I couldn't be more proud." When he said that, he glanced my way, and I could have sworn he'd winked.

"Th-Thank you." I said, swallowing nervously. I didn't know my father very well, which was somewhat sad considering I was his flesh and blood daughter. Because of that fact, though, I had no idea what to make of that wink.

"I'm sure you've heard by now why I've brought you here." Even though it was a statement, he made it sound like a question, like he was expecting an answer.

"You'd like to pick out your heir." Len and I both answered, and again, I was surprised at our perfect synchronization. I leaned over slightly, and brushed his fingers with my own. He loosely squeezed my hand, then let go with a small reassuring smile.

It didn't escape the eyes of our father, who smiled at the sight. "Precisely." he said. "I'd like to begin training you to be my heir, for as you know, Neru is no longer an option."

My mouth filled with a sour taste at the mention of our older sister, but I shook my head, clearing my mind.

"I will pick my heir whenever I decide to, but you must know; only one of you can be my heir, and take over the company."

I noticed mother's mouth twitched at this, and wondered if she'd originally wanted to take over the company herself. Haha. She never would.

"So for the next few months - maybe even years - you shall be coming here more often than you ever have to be taught the ropes of this place. You may come by whenever you have the time, as well as on specific dates that I will arrange. Understand?"

We both nodded our understanding.

"Good." he smiled. "Len, I've heard you are on some of your school sports teams?"

Len nodded. "I'm on the basketball team, the baseball team, the soccer team, chess team, run club, and volunteer work."

Leon nodded, impressed. "That's quite a bit... you do understand, though, that you will have to give up some of your practices to make it to these appointments, yes?"

I saw Len's brow crease upwards, and knew that, to him, it was not okay. Already, he had to skip certain practices to keep up with all his other extracurricular activities; any more, and he risked getting kicked out. "B-But what about my games...?"

"Your sports games, you mean?" Leon paused, seeming to think about it.

"Oh, don't." Lily scowled. "He needs to learn his priorities."

I shot her a glare. "He's already made it clear that only one of us will make it as heir, so if he doesn't, this will all be a complete waste of time for him." I turned back to our father. "Can't you schedule _around_ his games...?"

Len had mixed expressions on his face, bordering between appreciation and hurt.

"... I don't think so." Father finally answered, and I felt both our hearts drop. "I'd suggest you quit run club, since you can always jog around the neighbourhood in the mornings, or in your own free time. I can try the best I can to avoid intruding with your games, but I can't guarantee anything."

I saw Len lower his head, and knew he didn't really believe it.

"I will, however," Father added, "be sure not to schedule any meetings that would interfere with any sports tournament you may have. Deal?"

Len looked up sharply, and his eyes re-obtained some of their hopeful glimmer, that made my heart melt. "O-Okay." he said, as if not completely sure of the promise, but hoping our father would keep his word.

I could see our mother huff.

"As for you, Rin..." Leon turned his gaze to me. "Are you in any extracurricular activities?"

"No."

"You're not in any club of any kind?"

"No."

"Do you have any job, classes outside of school?"

"No."

"Nothing?" he asked, as though slightly disbelieving, and slightly disappointed.

I felt ashamed and embarrassed as I squirmed. "No... nothing."

"She's just lazy." Lily piped up.

"There's no need to insult my daughter, Lily." Leon told her sternly, not bothering to turn and look at her.

"Well she needs to grow up!" Lily snapped.

"And she will." Leon responded, as calmly as ever. "Give her time; she's not even 15 yet."

Lily muttered something, but didn't argue. I'd officially decided now which parent I preferred.

"Rin, I'd like you to join at least one new club this year." Father instructed. "Len, maybe you could help her with that."

Len nodded. "Alright."

"Nem-san (3) will drive you wherever you want, whenever you want." Father added. "He is now your personal chauffeur."

I glanced back at our driver, who nodded respectively.

"You will be given his number and are free to call him whenever you may need him. But don't take advantage of him."

We both nodded, and it suddenly went quiet in the room.

"Lily... if you don't mind, would you and Nem begin showing Len around the building?"

Mother looked less than pleased, but lucky for her, Nem seemed to notice. "No, sir, I'll do it!" he offered. "Mrs. Kagamine-san can grab herself a coffee and relax; I'd be honored to show Mr. Kagamine-san around."

Father seemed uncertain. I suspected one of his goals was to bring us closer together- or, at least, to get Lily to accept us as children rather than simple dolls. Eventually, though, he nodded. "Fine. Lily, you may go do whatever you please. I'd like to speak to my daughter."

"She's mine too, you know..." Lily muttered, as she walked towards the door.

"Come along, Kagamine-san!" Nem grinned. "We'll start on the first floor, and work our way up."

"Um... okay." They both left me alone with my intimidating father. How scarier everything felt without Len by my side...

"Sit." He said, gesturing to a one-seater leather couch. I did, and he smiled at me. "'Tell him to book an appointment'..." he quoted.

The color drained from my face. Mother had told him about that? I didn't think she had the nerve to do such a thing... What else had she told him? Would he punish me for what I said?

To my surprise, he started to laugh. "Priceless... you sounded just like your mother!" he said.

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to laugh with him or not. I think I may have looked constipated, or something.

"I couldn't believe it when Lily told me about that... she got angry at me then too for laughing." he sniffed, easing off his chuckles. "In fact, you have a lot of Lily in you."

I only blinked, unsure if that was a compliment or not.

"'Bring your kid to work day'..." He chuckled some more. "You definitely inherited her attitude. I think that was what drew me to her in the first place..."

It was then that I realized I had no idea how my parents had met, how they began dating, how father proposed. I knew nothing about their relationship; no one had ever told me, and there'd never been anyone there to ask.

I remained silent, though. I wasn't interested in their past. I was only interested in my future.

"Alright... the reason I kept you back is because, even though I am your father, I know little to nothing about you." Leon explained. "While I get constant reports about your brother's latest achievements, whether it be about sports, grades, or even behavioural awards, I get nothing from your side, Rin.

"In fact... according to your latest report card, your grades aren't actually very good. You aren't in any school club whatsoever. I've heard nothing but bad about you. Is there any reason for that, Rin?"

"No." I answered blankly. "There isn't."

"Aren't there any school clubs that interest you?"

"No... they're all boring."

Father hesitated. "What do you like to do in your spare time?" he asked. "What are your hobbies?"

I wasn't sure if I really wanted to tell him. To me, it felt almost too personal to tell to such a stranger. "I... draw. Write. Sing. Act lazy."

"Well then there should be plenty for you at your school!" Father exclaimed, pulling out a sheet of paper from a drawer he'd opened. "Let's see... what about the newspaper committee?"

"No thanks."

"Well then, there's the glee club."

"Nuh-uh. That place is just full of tone-deaf wannabes. I don't feel like having any teacher tell me what's wrong with my voice when they can't do anything right either."

"Um... okay then... what about the anime club? Do you like anime?"

"I read manga, but I'm not obsessed with it. That place is just filled with nerds. (4)"

"But you might make friends!"

"I don't need friends who'll just embarrass me."

Father made a face, but kept skimming the list in his hand. "Well then... what about the art club?"

"I'm not good enough to go to an art club."

"That's the point; you'll learn!"

"The people there all think they're geniuses, or something. They have huge- and I mean humongous -egos, and they'll just point out every little thing they don't like."

"And that's how you'll learn and get better!"

"No, that's how I'll get pissed off and end up suspended for punching one of them in the face."

Father tightened his lips. "And we certainly wouldn't want that to happen..." he mumbled. "Can't you at least try out for student council?"

"Elections are over already, and I'm not interested."

"I want you to join something this year, Rin, and if you don't do it yourself, I'll sign you up myself. For student council president."

"Dad..." I groaned, and he blinked, seeming surprised at the casual nickname. True... I'd never called him 'dad' before. "You can't just _do_ that; we already have a president, so they're not just going to politely budge and fill me in."

Leon smiled. "We're billionaires, Rin. They'll do anything for the right price."

I groaned again, and began mumbling.

"Who are your friends, Rin?"

"Mm?"

"You _do_ have friends, right?" Leon asked. "What are their names?"

I scowled. "God, you don't have to be so nosy..."

"I'm just asking for a name, Rin."

To tell the truth, I didn't have very many friends, but I refused to consider Hatsune Miku as my 'friend' anymore. She was my rival now, my enemy. So I said the first name that popped into my head.

"Gumi."

Father raised a brow. "Gumi?"

"Gumi Megpoid."

"Can't say I've heard of her."

'You haven't heard of anyone I know.' I thought. 'You just don't care.'

"That's nice to hear. Do you have a boyfriend, Rin?"

"What?!"

"Or a girlfriend?" he added. "Sorry. I do realize that's a possibility, and I don't mind. It's your choice, after all, and I won't stop you at this age."

"I'm not lesbian, dad!" I yelled out in disbelief. Geez...!

"Oh? So you have a boyfriend?"

"Just... no! I'm not dating anyone!"

He raised his hands up. "I don't mean to get you angry, Rin; I'm only just asking."

"As if you really care..." I mumbled, and his eyes softened.

"I understand how you feel. I haven't been there very much for you growing up, and I wish I could have. But it was between you two and the company, and..."

"You chose the company over us." I said, feeling miserable.

"If I'd given up the company, we'd be jobless, and while I'd have been able to spend more time with you, we'd have no money, and you'd have no future. It would only have been selfish of me."

"One could argue..."

"I'm sorry, Rin, really... I hope you'll forgive me." His emerald green eyes seemed sincere, and I think that's really all it took.

I'd never truly gotten sympathy from my mother. She'd never been there when I needed her, when I had nightmares, when I cried. All she did was act critical towards me and chastise me on every little thing. I'd grown up without the loving care of parents, replaced instead with nannies.

So maybe all I really wanted now was the love I'd been craving my entire life. Maybe that's why I couldn't bring myself to hate my father. Maybe that's why I worked so hard in the future to please him.

I said nothing and blinked quickly, trying to keep the tears from slipping out of my eyes. I had to stay blank-faced, pretend that nothing he said would bother me.

"..." He sighed. "To tell you the truth... if I had to choose right now between you and Len, which one I thought would be most likely to succeed this company..." he looked me right in the eye with that serious look I saw so often on my brother, "I'd choose you, Rin."

"... Why?" It all seemed ridiculous to me.

"I think you're far more capable than what I'm seeing in your grades." he said. "I think that if you truly cared, you'd be able to do wonders. I love my job here, and I think you will too."

"But Len's far more capable than I am."

"Yes, but I can tell you're more mature than him. Just the way you speak betrays your intelligence, Rin. I used to be like you, you know. I didn't care enough to do my studies. And yet, I was put into a 'gifted' program. I always thought it was stupid, just a label to brag about, but..." He studied me with those dark green eyes again. "I can see a lot of myself in you, Rin."

I simply sat there, unsure of what to say. How could I respond to something like that? I didn't know my father, so I couldn't agree or disagree; I could only listen.

"And already, you've told me you like to sing. Already, you've shown a liking for music, which is the main path this company travels."

"Len likes to sing too." I quickly defended my brother.

"I'd like to hear you sing, Rin."

I rose from my seat, acting as revolted as if he'd asked me to strip naked. "Wh-What?!"

"I want to hear my daughter sing." Leon repeated. "Right here, right now."

"N-No, no thank you! Besides, I-I don't even know what to-"

"Choose your own song."

I stared at him suspiciously, and he nodded, encouraging me. And really... what harm could a small sample of my voice do?

So, to please him, I took a deep breath in, and opened my mouth.

"Oh Mother, Father, I'm sorry for all my lies. Thanks for always being there to soothe me when I cried. Oh Brother, Sister, I doubt I'll see you soon. It's time for me to go, in these old worn out shoes."

I glanced back at him, and he nodded again, telling me to keep going.

"Their ego growing bigger, I steer myself 'way from the crowd, hoping they'll disappear, just maybe somehow."

I squeezed my eyes shut, clutching my chest for my favorite line of the song. ""I only wanted to be loved", I scream out! If I could only find some special way to rewind, cut out part of my soul inside...!

"Oh, "Love your neighbour," said the savior, no one listens to his show. Yeah, you're just a nothing, you don't matter. Why not? I don't know! I got hurt trying to dream of filling the gaps behind the seams. Someone tell me the truth; What does life mean?

"La, la... la, la... la, la... la, la, la.

"To all my classmates, this is my final goodbye... None of you stopped to help when I felt lonely or when I cried.

"Is this honestly what you see in me? Is this honestly what you see in I? Is this honestly what lies underneath? Is this honestly the ugliness inside?

"Ah! It's not enough to fix me! Seams ripping one by one, destruction has begun, I'm no longer who I used to be!"

I gasped, as I realized my father had begun to sing his own harmonies with the song. "Oh, "Love your neighbour," said some stranger; it's a word they don't know. Yeah, you're just a nothing, you don't matter. Why not? I don't know! I finally gave up trying to fix up all this meaningless string. Somebody tell me the truth; What good does life bring?"

Wow. Those harmonies he'd added in were actually really good... I didn't know he knew the song. I was surprised.

"There's nothing left now, nothing left now; I've cleared everything off. Completely empty, dying slowly, heaving another dry cough.

There's nothing left now, nothing left now, every seam has been pulled out. Oh, my place in this world, I have finally found...

"Non-existent!"

We both paused, catching our breath, and for the first time today, I smiled.

"Shut up you people full of lies, I'm sick of it now. What is your answer; wrong or right? Find out somehow! Don't you wanna change? Don't you wanna rise? I'll finish this even if I have to cheat! It doesn't matter who I become; I really want to change!"

We grinned at each other, preparing for the last line. I'd put so much emotion into the song that, ironically, I was in tears, which fit in perfectly with the last line.

"Lying in darkness, I wipe the tears that I cried." Father reached over, and wiped one of said fallen tears off my cheek. "My Tokyo teddy bear, stay always by my side!" (5)

We panted, and grinned at each other. Suddenly, for no reason whatsoever, we burst out laughing. I laughed until my stomach hurt, doubled over in front of his desk, while he wiped off his own tears between laughs.

Finally we calmed ourselves down enough for me to speak. "And I thought the glee club was pathetic..." I mumbled and he grinned at me.

"We can't be all too pathetic if we're standing in a building like this." He said.

"Anyone can step in a building." I pointed out. "We really aren't all too great."

He shrugged. "Perhaps not. But you could be."

I sat back down in my seat. "I'm surprised you knew that song."

"I don't." He said simply. "Not very well, that is."

"But you seemed to know the lyrics by heart!"

He grinned, and turned his computer screen around to face me. On it were the lyrics we'd just sung. "Google truly is an amazing thing." he said.

I laughed again. "But how on earth were you able to find those harmonies so quickly?"

"It's simple, really. Most harmonies are either a third above or a third below. It's simple chords. This song was a little trickier, but it wasn't all too hard. These are some things you'll learn through your training here." He winked at me.

"That was... fun." I said, glancing down at my feet.

"Well then you're going to love working here." He said with a grin. He thought for a moment. "The girl who sings that song... I could arrange for you to meet her, if you'd like."

I rolled my eyes. "No thank you. She probably has better things to do anyway."

He smiled. "This should prove to be a fun experience. I hope you do well, Rin." I turned to leave. "Remember what I said, too; I was serious about my warning. I'd better find you joined some kind of club and that your grades start getting better."

I was right at the door, when he called my name again. "... You should go looking with your mother for an appropriate evening gown."

"Why?"

He winked again. "It's about time my to-be heirs start attending formal events."

I blinked, not knowing completely what he meant, and left.

As I closed the door behind me, the secretary glanced up and smiled. "You have a very nice voice." she complimented.

'Oh shit... Those walls aren't soundproof.' I thanked her, my face a deep breath.

"I'll call for your chauffeur to come get you."

"Th-Thank you..." I said, and smiled to myself.

Now, I was actually excited to begin my training as an heir. I could only imagine what was waiting for me.

* * *

_So... remember how I was asking for additional detour thingies I could include in the story? Well, I found my answer. ^w^ _

_It actually came to me when that one person suggested charm school to me. (I don't remember who it was at the moment, but, um... thank you~!) My plot bunnies found a hole in a fence, and came swarming the poor innocent 'charm school' bunnies. A few days later, after a lot of interbreeding (you damn incestuous bunnies...! XD), I was gifted with the idea of needing etiquette courses for formal events._

_Well... that's a nice idea, n' all... but what on earth would I need formal events for?! After a night of thought, I decided (at around chapter 3) that only rich people really went to formal events. XD (No offense to any rich person, I guess...) Then I daydreamed about a scene where Rin would have to pick between 3 girls to make famous. You shall see that scene soon enough. ^w^ But yeah, it was through that scene there that I decided to make Crypton a talent agency._

_And now, you've also met Leon Kagamine, the father of the family. Because Lily is getting so much hate (sorry Lily...!), I wanted to make Leon a character that Rin could feel close to. There's no way she'll ever confess her problems to him, or something, but... he's someone for her to look up to and admire. She needs that inspiration to be able to get anywhere._

_As for Lily... everyone's angry at her. XD She's getting called a bitch a lot... poor thing. To tell the truth, she isn't all that bad, she's just very, um... ... ... How do I describe it...? She acts like she has a stick stuffed up her ass, that's for sure, but... it's mostly because she thinks that, in being stricter, it will mold Rin and Len into better people. It's hard to explain, really... I suppose she follows the motto 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'_

_It's like when a baseball coach keeps throwing splitters at one of the players, and the player keeps swinging, even though he should just stand still and let the ref count it as a ball. He might get angry and upset about it, but a good coach will keep throwing splitters at him until he learns to stop swinging at them._

_There's a thin line though between teaching kids to benefit them in life, and crushing them with too much pressure._

_If you want to know, Rin and Lily's relationship is based off my own with __**my**__ mother. My mom means well, but she seems to want me to become her clone, or something. She constantly compares me to her, always. She wants me to follow in her footsteps, but she just doesn't get that we are two different people._

_Once, she told me she'd always dreamed of having a daughter... but instead ended up with two sons. :') Thanks, mom..._

_But yeah. What I'm trying to say is, because she keeps trying to turn me into her, she's constantly trying to push me around. As a result, rather than my grades going up, they went down. My self-esteem was ruined, and I stopped caring about anything. In fact, I still only care about one thing in this world; and that is this very thing you are currently reading._

_And I mean my stories in general, not just my Author's Notes. :P_

_Too much pressure made me hate her for a long time. In fact, it made me hate myself, too. I still hate myself, but most of the time, I don't care enough to do anything about that hate. XD It's just a simple fact to add to a folder; I hate my life. So do millions of others. No big deal, really._

_But in trying to make me better, everything backfired, making me more twisted than ever. That's what Rin and Lily's relationship is supposed to be like in this story; Lily's just trying to make Rin like her, but they both have different views of 'right' and 'wrong'. In trying to raise Rin well, all she did was stem hatred into her._

_On a lighter note... Len's adorable. XD_

**Question of the Chapter: What did Len want to tell Rin in the limo, before they arrived at the Crypton HQ?**

_I've actually dropped quite a few hints about it, so I'm sure at least one of you will get it right! Make me proud!_

_Happy New Year, everyone! Let's make 2013 an amazing year, shall we?_

_Naty17_

* * *

(1) Personally, I feel a little bitter towards Rin, here. I don't find very many things disgusting. I mean, sure, I can't watch a gory movie. But I mean like... when someone sneezes, I don't inch away and think of germs, or something. I believe in the 5-second rule. ... Or the 5-minute rule. XD If someone's crying, and their nose is running, and when I give them a hug or something, their nose leaves a mark on my shirt... most of you would probably think, 'Ew, gross!' and wash it off with soap, or something. I'd wipe it off with the back of my hand, and move on. It's just not that big of a deal to me, so... yeah. I don't think I'd ever fire anyone for being 'disgusting' unless they aren't potty-trained, or have a contagious disease, or something.

(2) OTL I had a typo there... instead or shared, I wrote shaved. 'We shaved the same wave-length'... It sounds so weird and wrong, for some reason.

(3) ... Alright, I couldn't help it. I figured it would be cool to give them a personal limo-driver-dude, and... well, I wanted it to be male. At first, I was going to name him Tama, when I remembered an important fact: Um, duh! Tama's female. =.=" (Tama is a very popular Vocaloid PV artist, best known for her art in 'Ah, It's a Wonderful Cat's Life', 'Super Hero', 'Eyeglass Appointment', 'Delusion Sketch', and many more. Her favorite characters seem to be Gumi, Len, and Rin, and she draws most PVs for Nem-P and mp-40-P. She's also my favorite artist... ^/^ So then, I decided to name him after my favorite Vocaloid producer; Nem! (Nem is best known for 'Ah, It's a Wonderful Cat's Life', 'Scissorhands', 'Super Hero', 'Monochrome Dream-Eater', 'First Love Academy', etc... all these songs mentioned, excluding Scissorhands, were drawn PVs by Tama.) So... yeah. If you see him show off or something, that's really just me playing favorites. I may add in some other producers/artists... it's fun!

(4) "That place is just filled with nerds." Yep... Nerds like me who are completely obsessed with you, Rin-chan... QwQ" Nah, I'm just kidding... I don't have an anime club at my school. Elementary sucks.

(5) It's fairly obvious, so you should all be able to guess what song that was. ;) Again, those are original lyrics by yours truly~! If any of you feel like using them, please let me know, and give me credit! (Although I'd be surprised if you did, I'd like to know anyway... ^-^") Aren't my rhyming skills extraordinary? XD *shot* I wrote those lyrics with a lot of emotion... *sniff* I love that song so much... I'd say it's on my top 10 favorites list! *sob sob sob*

* * *

**If I could get at least 5 reviews this chappie, that'd be awesome. ^w^ Ooh, better yet:**

**REVIEW, AND NEM-KUN SHALL DRIVE YOU TO SCHOOL!**

**I love you Nem-kun~! Almost as much as I love my reviewers...!**

**Press that review button. Nao.**


	6. Kiss, Kiss

**Merry-Go-Round**

March 19th, 2013

_Ah! It's been a while! My last update was on December 21st. I'm sorry...! Let me partially explain my absense to you:_

_When I first started Merry-Go-Round, I was looking for a story with lots of angst and romantic drama. I wanted to have the story focus solely on my torturing Rin emotionally, to the point of screaming, even! I wanted this story to show her slowly falling apart, dying slowly from the inside out. But here's one of the problems... One of the things I have trouble with is emotion._

_I myself have only once truly been in love. It was sweet until we both had to transfer schools, and that was that. I never angsted though about how I couldn't see him. I cried, yes, but eventually I got over it. Perhaps that means it wasn't real love after all? I suppose it depends on opinion. But I myself have never angsted over love. Never have I sobbed for hours for love. My experience in the romantic department is a fat 0.1. _

_I've never kissed a boy (or girl), nor have I ever gone out with anyone. I'm too young, though. I'm not supposed to have a boyfriend (or girlfriend) at this age! ^-^ But, anyway, because of this, it's very hard for me to relate. I can't portray the emotions as well as someone who's gone through them might be able to. _

_I realized this especially recently, while reading TokiooWishes 'Picture Perfect' (a really good Oliver x Rin fic, though it only has one chapter so far. Please go read it- it's really very good!). Using only words, Tami-chan nearly brought me to tears. It made my own heart hurt. I could feel the pain Oliver felt! I finished it feeling totally depressed- the way you _**should**_ feel after reading a good angst fic. Then, I thought... Shouldn't I feel this same way while writing my own fics?_

_I can't feel as much emotion as others can. I don't care very much about those around me, apart from my friends. A lot of you may be the same. I think it's because I am so insensitive, though, that I can't truly write emotions the way I want to. You know, in a way, I wish someone would make me fall for them, then purposely break my heart. At least then, I'd know how it feels. Maybe once I start high school..._

_**ANYWAY **__(I totally got off track), I'm a very plot driven person. Because I cannot simply base a story around love and emotion (or I'll only go around in repetitive circles), I became obsessed with 'spicing up the plot'. You can obviously see that too if you look at past A/Ns. I became so obsessed by it that I ended up changing the story's course. It used to be following a 'heartbroken from forbidden love' kind of concept, but now, it has shifted into some kind of 'rising star' sort of path._

_I didn't know what to do once I realized this. I thought, 'Oh gee, what do I do? This is an angst story! How will I get her to jump if the story focuses on her career rather than her forbidden lust?' I was torn between continuing with this new path and starting from scratch. And so, I went on temporary hiatus._

_I'm back now though with chapter 6, and I've decided which path I'm headed down. :)_

_By the way, I've decided I'm keeping that risky napkin cleaning scene from chapter 3. You know, when Rin decides to help Miku clean up the mess? Yep. Keeping it. ;)_

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Kiss, Kiss**

* * *

_Thursday, October 25th, 2011_

_Dear Diary,_

_I'm back again. It's the same date again, but I'm back from school now. Len isn't with me, of course. He has some kind of sports meet. He always does._

_I already filled two or three pages explaining what exactly happened yesterday, I know, but I can't help but repeat it again and again._

_My father is a kind man._

_It doesn't seem real at all to me. In fact, I'm not sure I even believe it. I couldn't help but find he seemed almost _too_ nice. What does he want from me? An heir, of course, but he must want something else as well. Why bother flattering me so? It doesn't benefit him with anything. Is he really trying to gain my trust? What for? _

_... Okay, I've already written this about five times already, but it's bothering me. I can't think of anything at all, but I'm too stubborn to actually think he's being kind because he 'cares' about me. Yes, he's always sent us signed Christmas cards, birthday cards, Valentine's Day cards, as well as presents of all sorts. However, like our mother, he never bothers visiting us. Why does he suddenly care now, all of a sudden? Or has he truly always cared?_

_I really don't know. But you know that already, don't you? You're probably sick of this now, huh? Fine then. I'll move on... for now._

_Gumi today was as quiet as she was on Tuesday. Maybe I only imagined her declaration of friendship after all. It really is as if nothing had ever happened between us. __**Did**__ anything ever happen between us? A very good question. Perhaps I'm losing my mind. She's pretty though, isn't she? Her hair is so shiny and soft, and her lashes are naturally dark and long. I often wonder what she's thinking inside that strange mind of hers. I still don't understand her at all._

_Len, on the other hand... He's as beautiful as he's always been. He always will be beautiful, I'll bet. At eighty years old, we'll be sharing a room in some retirement home; I'll be wrinkled and ugly, but he'll still seem like fifteen years old, with the same blue eyes and his bright blond hair that will never gray._

_Oh, who am I kidding? I'll never be in the same room as Len. Once we grow old, he'll move out somewhere and I'll be alone with no one but myself. The one sharing his room in that retirement home will be Miku Hatsune, and while they'll have old person sex all night, I'll be sobbing in this same living room with my forty-sixth cat, 'Dog'._

_... Oh God. I nearly threw up there. Oh God, I never want to ever read that line ever again. In fact, I'll just scribble it out now! Never do I ever again want to see 'Len' and 'Miku' in the same sentence as 'sex' unless it is 'Len and Miku will never have sex.' Disgusting. I sure as hell hope Len isn't thinking of that yet..._

_Speaking of the bitch, they have a date today. _**Again.**_ It's been eight days since they've started dating. Why haven't they grown sick of each other yet? I hate the way Len comes home after one of his dates with her. He's always got this lovesick look in his eyes, and it kills to know it's not directed towards me._

_What's the point of love, really? It isn't the first time I've asked myself that. What's the point of love is it hurts so much? This love of mine is forbidden, but I can't help myself! Len is just... I love him. I really do. It hurts me even to admit it, because I know the feeling can never be mutual. Maybe it'd be best to just kill myself now. Ha. Haha._

_... I had a dream last night. I don't know why it just happened to be on the day we met our father, but... In my dream, we were a little older. I knew that somehow, though we looked the same as we do now. We were in the same bed, and he was leaning over me, and I was dressed in complete white... I didn't understand at first. It wasn't until he pulled the veil from my hair that I finally clued in: In this dream of mine, we'd just gotten married. He loved me, and he'd married me. And in that dream, he made love with me too._

_He'd made love with me plenty of times before in my fantasies, but always, it had been forbidden. Always, we were afraid Lily would walk in on us. This time was different in the way that we were allowed to love. Someone had somehow reversed the rules and made brothers allowed to love their sisters. We were allowed to love each other._

_In a way, that made it all the more wonderful._

_The funny thing about it, though, is that this isn't even the problem. We haven't arrived at the obstacle of judgment yet; I have still to make him look at me even just once that way. Will he ever?_

_It hurts to think about it, so I'll stop. The last thing I need is to die from internal bleeding. Haha. Ha..._

_Rin_

* * *

What am I doing with my life?

Once again, I had driven myself into a state of depression. I always could if I thought too much alone. In only ten, twenty minutes at most, I'd gone from casual emotions to darker thoughts.

I'm so useless. It's no wonder Mom never liked me. It's no wonder Daddy rarely wants me. I'm useless and stupid and obsessive. I'm ugly, both inside and out.

Why couldn't I be Hatsune Miku? She was so pretty, so happy, so flawless... Why couldn't _I_ be the one Len loved? Simple; because I'm his God-damn pathetic sister. I am nothing compared to Miku Hatsune. While Miku was like an angel, I was the small unwanted speck of dirt on her wing. Pathetic. Haha...

Nobody wanted me. Nobody would ever want me. Nobody wanted me, nobody needed me, and no one would care if I disappeared. Mom would have been happy to get rid of me. Len would've been too busy with Miku to notice. I'd simply have faded away until I was nothing but a ghost, and no one would ever have noticed...

I'd never be anything. I'd never get anything I wanted, because I didn't have what it took to get it. My grades were lousy, so I'd never get into a college. My personality sucked, so I'd never gain any friends. My heart longed for only one, so I'd never find any other love. My grave was waiting for me, wasn't it?

Isn't it sad when all you are is average? I couldn't sing, I couldn't draw, I couldn't write, I couldn't run, I couldn't score, I couldn't test, I couldn't die, I couldn't live. It felt like I was sinking into quick sand, like the white grains were falling into my mouth, blocking my throat. I couldn't breathe...!

I let out a frustrated scream and grabbed onto my hair. My first thought afterwards was that this couldn't be healthy. 'This can't be normal. Maybe I need help.'

Ha! For what? No one could help me get over Len. No one could straighten my distorted heart. No one could suddenly make me creative, athletic, or smart. No one could make me into anything important. Not even Daddy.

The sound of a door opening made me freeze. _He_ was here.

I listened closely and heard the door close again. I couldn't help it; I _had_ to see him. Silently I stood and stepped towards the door. I unlocked it and peered out. Of course, all I saw was an empty hallway, but I could hear him humming.

'He must be in a good mood,' I thought. Somehow, though, that didn't make me feel much better. In fact, maybe knowing I wasn't the cause of this made me feel worse.

I held a hand to my chest. It ached. I never understand why it always would. All our hearts do is pump blood throughout the body; our emotions are stored in some part of our brain. So why is it always my heart that aches when I feel sad?

I tiptoed down the stairs, feeling nervous. My eyes were probably puffy, though I hadn't cried all too much. My hair was messy now, my nose red, my cheeks stained. He'd notice right away, wouldn't he? Then he'd ask why I'd been crying, and I didn't have an answer for him. Perhaps today would be the day I'd tell him the truth.

I recognized the tune he was humming, but couldn't quite put my finger on it as I slid my hand down the stair rail. It was only when I reached the bottom that it came to me. 'Chrono Story...?' I wondered where that had come from. I quite liked that song. It'd been a while since I'd heard it.

I found him in the kitchen, eating a banana. "Len... You're home."

"Mm?" He glanced over his shoulder and I braced myself for a wave of questions. "Oh, there you are, Rin!" W-What?

I stepped forward so he'd be able to see me better. "You're late," I said, purposely adding a little more quiver into my voice than needed.

"Ah, I know... Sorry." He grinned at me and all I could do was stare in disbelief. "Hey, you remember the Evil Chronocles, don't you?"

"How could I not?" I muttered dully. Surely I just wasn't close enough for him to see.

"Well, turns out, Miku's a huge fan of the movies too!" His eyes shined. It made me feel like I was back in my miserable bed room. _'Why couldn't I be Miku Hatsune?' _"She has the whole soundtrack on her iPod."

That explains his humming of 'Chrono Story'.

He sighed happily. "You know, we actually have a lot of things in common. You never told me she was on the basketball team, Rin! We finished practice early and had a little one-on-one game between us." He stretched proudly. "Guess who won?"

I refused to answer. Was he really that oblivious? Or was he ignoring me?! "Len... look at me."

"Mm?" He slid his eyes to mine. I'd always thought our cerulean blue looked better on him than me... They suddenly lit with realization and he gasped, dropping his half-eaten banana onto the counter. "Rin, are you okay?"

"You really didn't notice until just now?" I asked. He didn't say anything, standing still with a guilty face. "Len!" Oh no. I was sniffling.

"Sorry!" he apologized, coming up to me and taking my hand. "You could have said something earlier, Rin. I had my back to you, you know."

That... was true. "O-Oh... Y-Yes, I..." Shit. _'Obsessive.' _"I'm sorry."

"Never mind that." He tilted my chin upwards, and it took all my self-control and more to keep from leaning onto my toes and pressing my lips to his. "What's wrong? Who hurt you?"

'I hurt myself.' "N-No one did... I'm okay."

"Rin, don't. If you're still angry, I already said I was sorry, so-"

"No, I'm fine," I assured him. "I was just lonely. I'm okay now that you're here."

"Lonely?" His brows knitted together. "Are you always like this when I'm gone?"

"N-No, of course not..." I said. _'Well... Sometimes.'_

He didn't look convinced. "I'm leaving again tonight in about an hour. You'll be alone again."

"You're going out with Miku." There's no need to remind me. "I know."

He hesitated, his hand still cupping my chin. "Maybe... you could come with us. I mean, after all, it's not like we mind. You were with us last week at the theater." His face suddenly turned red and I knew exactly what he was remembering.

**The Napkin incident.**

"Where are you going, exactly?" He hadn't told me yet, and of course I was planning on going with them now that he'd offered, no matter the location. Anything to get between them.

"Just to the mall."

"So she can force you to carry her bags?" I huffed. "Don't let her. Make her carry her bags herself."

"But Rin, you make me carry your bags all the time!"

"That's different." I gulped. "I'm... your sister." How I hated saying those words. _'Sister...' _A curse.

He laughed. "Are you sure that's different? I don't see it."

I let a weak smile show. "You can't carry her bags... because you'll be busy carrying mine."

"Hey! Who says I have to? You know, maybe I'll buy something extra heavy and make **you** carry it!"

I rolled my eyes. "What would you buy? A bowling ball? A dictionnary? You'd never use them anyway; It'd be a waste of money."

He grinned. "Not if I get to see you suffer for a while." Oh Len... You have no idea. His grin softened and his eyes grew concerned again. "You sure you're okay?" he asked, and I hugged him closely to me.

"I love you, Len," I murmured into his chest. I couldn't let him see my face- I couldn't let him see the tears that had formed again.

He stroked my hair and hummed. "I love you too, Rin. But you know that already."

'I know, Len. You love me as a brother loves his sister, and nothing more. Has it ever even occured to you that _I _may love you more?' Of course not.

* * *

Everytime I saw her now, I couldn't help but think of how much I detested her before anything else. It was like a routine. 'Oh, hey, there's _Miku_. I hate her so much...'

She skipped over to us. "Hi Len! Hi Rin!"

"Hey," Len waved.

Miku began giggling, and I rolled my eyes. 'How immature...' A girl who giggles when she sees the boy she loves wave is obviously not that in love after all. She doesn't even know what love is...!

"I called Nem already. He told me he'd be here in about ten minutes. Although, he said that about five minutes ago, so now, I guess we only have five minutes."

"Oh yeah! You mean your limo driver, right?" Look how casually she said it! As if every normal person had a limo driver! "That's so super cool, Len! I never knew your parents were rich!"

Ha! Look at that! She probably only stayed Len's girlfriend now because of our money. How greedy! And I just loved the way she said '_your_ parents' instead of 'you and _Rin's_ parents', or something, as if I weren't even here!

She turned towards me. "Is Nem driving you somewhere too, Rin? Where are you going?"

"Actually, " Len scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "she's coming with us."

Haha! I loved the look Miku shot him! "Oh? She is?" Quickly she covered her miffed expression with a sweet smile. I wasn't even sure whether or not Len had seen it! "Cool! So it'll be the three of us, just like last time!" Did Len hear the sarcasm in her voice?

"Yeah..." Perhaps he had. "You don't mind, do you, Miku?"

Her smile stretched wider. "No, of course not!" Hahaha! Oh Miku, what a riot!

"Sorry for the inconvenience, Miku..." I just couldn't help the malice in my voice. "I really hope I'm not a bother to you?"

Her eyes widened. She heard it too. Quickly she shook her head and gave me a strange look. "No, I really don't mind..." Ha! She sounded offended!

"Ah?" I picked up a noise. "I think that's Nem now. Are you ready to go, Miku?"

She didn't answer, but her lips were tucked into a pout. It thrilled me.

Sure enough, a sleek black automobile turned the corner onto our street. I waited for him to pull up to us, then ran up to the back door.

Our limo had two front seats and three spots in the back. A divider could be put up between the front and back to allow privacy, and it was supposedly sound-proof as well.

"E-Eh? Rin?" Nem laughed from where he sat at the driver's seat. "You scared me! You do realize I'm supposed to come around and open the door for you, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, you're welcome," I said. I patted the spot beside me. "Come on, Len, sit beside me! Miku, you can have shotgun."

I heard Nem snort. We'd known each other for only a day, and yet he already knew what I was up to? Perhaps he had a sister of his own- haha.

I saw them glance at each other. Miku certainly didn't look pleased with the idea, but Len knew something was bothering me- he'd do whatever to make sure I was happy again. Funny; I've never truly been happy since the age of twelve. Has he noticed that? Or is my mask really that inpenetrable?

Inpenetrable... Intreatable...

I snuggled myself into Len's side as soon as he was beside me. "Thanks for letting me come with you, Len... I feel a lot better now."

His bothered expression evaporated as soon as I'd said that. Suddenly his face softened, and he gazed at me fondly. "Good. I'm... I'm glad." He didn't seem annoyed any more. It felt like he'd give up almost anything to make me happy.

And I needed that. As long as he loved me that way, I'd be able to live. If one day, though, he'd decide to hate me... I wouldn't know what to do anymore. I'd might as well kill myself.

Isn't that ironic?

The drive over was silent with the exception of soft jazz playing from the car's speakers. I clung on to Len's side and watched Miku in amusement, as she constantly glanced over her shoulder at us.

'Isn't this annoying, Miku? Ha! Hahahaha!'

"Here we are," Nem announced, pulling in beside the shopping complex. We really didn't need a ride to the mall. It would have taken us only twenty minutes or so by foot, but Len must have felt like showing off his new toy- though he'd never admit it.

"Thanks Nem~!" I chirped as I pulled Len out of the vehicle. Miku huffed and got out on her side.

"Oh, Miku, was it? I could have gotten that. Your door, I me-" She slammed it shut without bothering to listen to him. How rude was that?! Did she always act like this? Why hadn't I noticed?

"Come on, Len," I tugged on his arm. "Let's go."

Miku blinked. "Yeah... We came here to have fun, right?" She shook her head, and as simply as that, she was smiling again. That lucky bitch...! How could she shake off a bad mood so easily?! To my demise, she took Len's other arm, leaning against it like the cute little girlfriend she was.

"Guys... my arms."

"Shush, Len," Miku said with a giggle. "I know you don't mind."

Len chuckled. "Maybe not _too_ much."

I didn't like how friendly and teasing they acted. It made me feel so left out as I listened to them, but I couldn't really find anything to say. I really was the third wheel. Why couldn't Miku have taken that role instead? Why couldn't I ever get the lead part, center stage? Why was I always just hiding in the background?

I tugged on my brother's arm. "Len, did you remember to tell Nem what time to pick us up at?"

"Mm?" He glanced over at me. "Eh... No, I forgot. Whoops. We'll call him when we're getting ready to leave. I don't mind waiting. What about you, Miku?"

"No, I don't mind at all!" She beamed at me so obliviously, I felt like pulling out her hair. It would seem she'd decided all the sarcasm she'd heard earlier was only her imagination. It wasn't, Miku, it wasn't! "Oh, look over there!"

Miku couldn't read my mind. She wouldn't know, but she'd figure it out sooner or later. I'd let a little slip out at a time, and soon, she'd get the hint.

"Aw, that's such a cute dress! I'm guessing they're trying to get rid of their summer stuff still. Oh, look! It's on sale, too, Rin! It'd be perfect for you; orange suits you!"

I glanced over my shoulder at my younger brother, who shrugged with a smile. "Go ahead. I'll do you a favor and carry your bags."

I grinned and lightly pecked his cheek. "I knew you would."

* * *

"So we'll meet each other at the food court?"

"Got it! I'll see you!"

"Len, don't drop anything!"

I watched their figures retreat without a single worry. Why didn't I worry? I should have kept Len here with me! At least that way, I'd be able to keep him safe!

I walked into one of my favorite stores. It always had a sale on its graphic tees, and they were hilarious! I couldn't get enough of them!

I rushed over to the T-shirt section and unfolded a first shirt. 'Keep Calm and Be British.' There was a picture of the English flag under the words. I wrinkled my nose; It'd be nice if I _were _actually British. (1)

The second one I picked up had the words, 'Sorry, but I' and then a picture of a mustache. I didn't get it at first, but then realized the pun: 'Sorry, but I must dash!' Ha! Cute. That one was a keeper.

The sale today was two shirts for ten dollars. Perfect! I had a twenty-dollar bill still in my wallet, and it wanted to be used. A poor masochistic piece of paper...

'I find your lack of J-Pop disturbing.' Yes! YES! Oh, hell yes! This had to be one of the best shirts ever created! I shoved it into my left hand, the 'keeper' hand.

'YO, BITCH!' Could this day get any better? I had **two** sexy T-shirts now. I'd wear this the next time I saw Miku! Hahaha!

I chose another tee and I was ready to pay.

"Just a second- I have change." I fished through my wallet and came up with the correct amount of coins.

"Have a nice day!"

"You too!"

I sighed to myself in contentment. I wasn't a huge fan of shopping, but it was kind of nice for today, when I needed to get my mind off things. In fact, all my worries had seemed to disappear for a moment and I even twirled around quickly for the fun of it, just because I could, then shot looks back at the people who stared.

_There are some who aren't ever meant to find happiness. These are Karma's dolls of misery. Never will they find satisfaction and never will a happy moment last long enough._

Haha. Ha...

Our food court was decently sized. We had about eight different fast food counters and the center of the room was filled with hungry people eating their burgers on blue swiveling stools. My mission was to find my brother. Miku wasn't as important- she could have gotten abducted for all I cared.

I scanned the room but didn't see them. 'Maybe they're not here yet...?' I scanned the room one more time and sighed. 'Guess not.'

I sat down in a booth (ignoring the swivel stools) and crossed my arms on the table. How booooring... Now what? I lay my head down and sighed once more. I've never been a patient person- it wasn't easy for me to just wait. ... Maybe I'll pee, or something. You know, to pass the time...?

'Pee to pass the time? Weird, Rin. Really Weird.' It wasn't a bad idea though. Or so I thought.

I didn't realize until I was right in front of the washrooms, by the water fountains. Only then did I look up and gasp.

T-There they were. How were they allowed to do such a grotesque thing in public?! She... Miku...! She was leaning into him, and him into her, and their mouthes...! Len's hand was on the small of her back and hers were playing with the ponytail on the back of his head. They didn't even notice me at first until I let out a squeak- they were so enraptured in eating the other's face off! Ugh!

Len pulled away. A thin string of saliva connected them, but he quickly swatted at it as he spun to me. "Oh, Rin, I- Rin?"

I don't know what he saw on my face. I must have been making such an ugly expression, for his face immediately turned worried.

"Rin, are you okay?"

"You look kind of pale!"

How dare she! How did she ever get the right to even look at me after what she'd done with my love- **MY** **love**! I felt sick, like I'd vomit all over them, and though it would have been very amusing to have thrown up all over Mku Hatsune a few hours earlier, all I could think of doing now was to run. Run!

I've always been one to run from my problems.

"Rin! Wait!"

Always. I've never had the courage to ever do something about my dilemmas. I could never let anyone know I was hurt, so I'd act uncaring. I could never try and correct someone for fear they'd use it as an insult. I could never admit to anyone that... that...

I hadn't even noticed I'd been sobbing until I reached one of the mall's entrances. I could feel people staring at me, the crazy girl running blindly and making strange choking noises, and it made me feel even worse.

Quickly I covered my face and hid behind a pillar. 'All you ever do is run and hide, huh? What will happen when they find you, though? What will you do when you become 'it' in this game of hide and seek?' I dialed a number into my cell phone.

It only rang once. "Hello?"

"N-Nem...?" I hated my voice. I sounded weak, weak and broken.

A pause. "What entrance are you at?"

It made me feel slightly better the way he knew I didn't want to talk about it in public. I told him where to pick me up and he said he'd be there in about two minutes- he wasn't very far.

As soon as I hung up, I wiped my nose. I reminded myself of the idol girl we'd seen in the elevator when we'd visited father; ugly, weak, and sniffling. Talentless. Useless. Garbage.

I hated the sounds I made when I cried. Girl like Miku had a cute little cry, while girls like me had all the extra sound effects: the hiccups, the choking, the straining, the sniffling, the moans of sadness... How ugly.

Slowly I pulled my hands from my head and tried to sort my emotions. Okay, so maybe I'd been wrong. I never thought they'd kiss- I thought they'd date for a day or two and that'd be that. Problem solved! But... the way they held each other...

I felt my stomach heave. Ugh...! I can't think about that again!

It'd been a possibility from the beginning, though, hadn't it? There was always the slightest chance they'd like each other enough to kiss. Maybe I shouldn't have been so surprised! But... I thought... just maybe...?

Maybe... what? Maybe he liked me more? Yes- as a sister. As a lover, he'd choose Miku over me, for sure! I was so jealous! Surely it hadn't been his first kiss- he'd most likely kissed a few girls when we were very young -but I felt like his first _real_ kiss should have been with me. I'd never have had a chance, though. Never would he ever kiss me, because he didn't like me that way.

A sleek black limosine pulled in beside the sidewalk. This time, I waited, as Nem got out and opened the door for me. I didn't thank him; I didn't feel like speaking with this clogged voice anyway.

A slow tune played on the radio. It was supposed to be a love song, I thought, but it sounded so very depressing to my ears. Perhaps because of my current state of mind.

"Well?" Nem asked once he's gotten back in on his side. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd rather not." I knew Nem for only a day. He probably wouldn't care anyway. And worse, what if he decided to tell Mum about my secret? "No... I can't tell you."

He didn't say anything for a few moments, then finally, "I'm not a huge fan of that Miku girl either."

"E-Eh?" How did he...?!

"It isn't all that hard to figure out. Unless you're afraid of sales, or something, it has to be about the people around you. You and Len-sir get along very well, I hear. Therefore, it must be Miku's fault. I think..."

"I don't really want to talk about it," I said with a sniff.

"No problem," he answered, not taking the least offense. A good chauffeur, this man was. (2)

"... Thanks anyway."

"Don't worry!" He brought a finger to his lips. "I'm no tattle-tale; I never saw you in tears."

I wiped at my eyes self-consciously.

"I won't tell."

"Thank you."

* * *

_Thurday, October 25th, 2011 - Again_

_For the fifty-first recorded time in this journal: I hate my life._

* * *

March 22nd, 2013

_Ah, I'm so mean to my characters... ^-^ Rin, I'm sorry I torture you so. ^o^/ Okay, not really... Well, maybe just a little. Hahaha!_

_Oh, yeah, speaking of 'hahaha', don't you love how Rin always says that? That's her signature line. Whenever I'm writing a chapter of Merry-Go-Round, I'm always like, 'Ooh, I have to add a sarcastic haha here, and one there...!' I think I may have overdone it this time, though. XD What's funny though is that it wasn't something I had planned; It just came naturally for chapter one, and then while I was writing the summary, I spent forever trying to decide on something good. I had a good summary, but then I needed to conclude it somehow- but I only had five or so characters left! So I thought back to the chapter and noticed her constant bitter laughter. That's why at the end of the summary there's 'Haha. Ha.'_

_Oh! Also, say a big thank you to Ten-Faced, who helped me out of my writer's block! She helped me decide to keep on with the whole 'Kagamine Music Industry' thing. Thank you very much, Ten-chan! ^-^/_

_Hm... What else should I say? Oh yeah! I made another account. It's especially for... um... *blush* lemons. Ahaha! It only has a fic for the Bakuman archive, but it has 0 reviews. D: Go look for it, m'kay? I won't tell you what it's called, but it's for Mashiro x Takagi. I'll post some Vocaloid M-rated fics on it sometime later too. I have like, 3 accounts now. XD One of them, I never use, but... I think I'll have this one, then the one for the lemons, and then another for darker themed stories like Puppy Mill. ^o^/_

_Well, that's all for now!_

_I really hope you liked it! Could I have at least 7 reviews for this chap? Mm? It'd be nice~!_

_Thanks for everything!_

_~Naty17_

_P-S: Excuse any typos; I didn't have time to spellcheck it. ^-^" Also, I'm sorry it's so short compared to last chap; chapter 5 was almost 10,000 words, and this one is just 6,400. Q.Q_

* * *

(1) There are a lot of 'Keep Calm' shirts lately in Canada... Kind of annoying since the most popular ones are One-Direction related. 'Keep Calm and love Niall!' 'Keep Calm and love Louis!' Like, really? There's one that said 'Keep Calm and love K-Pop', but it was really plain, so I didn't get it. I _should _have... Oh, and the mustache shirts are super popular now as well. The 'Must Dash' shirt was a real one I saw in Quebec. Oh, and the one, 'I find your lack of J-Pop disturbing' is also a real shirt, although I edited it slightly. The one I have says 'I find your lack of bacon disturbing.' XD You know what I'd buy for sure, though? 'Keep Calm and love Len Kagamine.' Maybe I should personalize my own T-shirt. XD

(2) LOL, Yoda much?_ 'A good chauffeur, this man was...'_

* * *

**Note: If you sent a review for the Don't Let the Author Die update on this story, you must review anonymously. Thank you.**

**Please Review!**


	7. Picking Up a Pencil

**Merry-Go-Round**

**April 28th, 2013**

_Is it wrong to love your own stories this much?_

_I was just re-reading chapter 6, and I was like, 'Damn, this is good... ... ... Oh yeah, this is _**my**_ story. Whoops.' I kept on forgetting that I was the author, and I even started thinking of what to write in my review when I'd finally get on the computer later, only to remember that, 'Oh yeah, this is _**my** _story. Right.' XD That would've been kind of funny though if I sent a review to myself!_

**May 10th, 2013**

_LOL, it would seem I just wrote that A/N and left without writing any of the chapter. XD Weird. That's the second time I've done that now._

_Ugh, I officially hate it when people die._

_There was a kid who used to go to my school two years ago, before I got there, who left to get treatment for his freshly-discovered cancer. Apparently, he died two days ago._

_I didn't know what was going on. I got to school and one of my friends was crying. "What's going on?" I asked. "*sniff* I can't believe he died...!" I thought she was talking about her cat. I had her in my arms, patting her back, saying 'There, there'. Another of my friends was crying right in front of me, which I found strange, since I didn't think she really knew the cat._

_I asked Austin what was wrong with Alyse and he told me some kid with cancer died that morning. "Eh? Okay... A lot of kids with cancer die each morning. Are you saying they're going to cry like this everyday now?" He explained that the kid used to go to our school, blah blah blah. ... Okay...? So basically, nobody really cared or talked to this kid (from my friends, at least), and then suddenly he gets cancer and he becomes super special. Everyone started claiming they were 'best friends' and that they were 'so sad'. Now that he's dead, everyone's got it done threefold. Everyone was sobbing everywhere, and I thought, 'You don't even know the kid!' "But it's sad! He was only twelve years old...!" "Twelve-year-olds die everyday." "But doesn't that make you sad?" "Not really; I don't even know the kid."_

_So, basically, for three days, I was called heartless, insensitive, etc. And maybe I am. If it were someone I loved, though, things would be completely different! But I don't even know this kid, and his death changes nothing in my life. It may be selfish of me to think like that, but he's just another nameless person. His death makes me no difference. Does that really make me retarded, like my classmates say I am? I think not. So, I've had a pretty pissy week. It was so annoying, seeing everyone cry everywhere I looked. Thank goodness it's the weekend now._

_Sigh... Maybe I am heartless. Honestly, if I am, I don't mind that too much. I'd rather be heartless than be a sniffling puffy-eyed crybaby all the time, pretending I'm 'so sincere' by offering tears for some nameless kid. I'd rather appear insensitive than appear weak. I'd rather be impenetrable rather than constantly hurt. Is that so wrong?_

_Oh well. I don't care what they think, really. They can call me retarded all they want and I'll still know I'm smarter than all of them. (They can't even recite their multiplication tables and wouldn't pass math without their calculators. One kid can't even spell simple words like 'rush', 'you're', or even 'dog'. I mean, really? Who is stupid enough to think dog is spelt d-a-w-g?!) I just hope nobody else dies next week._

_Okay, enough of my ranting. Read, children, read what has been written for you!_

* * *

**Anonymous Reviews**

**AliasStars: **_LOL, I must have been really caught up in the moment, because when I wrote that I didn't find it funny at all. Now that you mention it, though… it is pretty hysterical. XD Everyone seems to love Nem. *shrug* Personally, I'm not sure what exactly I did, but I certainly won't complain! *winks* Oh boy, I love that! XD Don't worry, chapter 8 should have a good deal of fluff. ^^ Why do you say hell would freeze over if Rin voiced her thoughts? Did she predict the Toronto Maple Leafs would win the Stanley Cup? (Canadian joke, hahaha… I've just proved a Canadian stereotype. o_o) YES! MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU AS WELL!_

**AyumiK-San: **_Wow, for a second I thought I accidentally reviewed my own story… Your pen name sounds a lot like one of my other accounts'! owo Yes, as this is a Rin x Len story, it will eventually end as Rin x Len. *spoiler alert?* I'm sorry this story was such a disappointment to you, but at least you were honest._

**ILoveFanfiction-AnimeAdik: **_LOL, I'm glad you liked it! XD Hm, well, knowing Miku's hair, maybe a knife WOULD be better... LOL, they weren't IN the restroom, just BY the restroom… And here at our mall, there are people just randomly making out everywhere. XD I never noticed she left her shirts behind, but everyone else keeps pointing it out… *shrug* LOL, you're ENCOURAGING Rin to commit suicide?! XD LOL, not yet… maybe in twenty chapters or so._

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Picking Up a Pencil**

* * *

Oh boy. What am I to do...?

As soon as I'd gotten home, I'd rushed upstairs and locked the door. I ended up falling asleep, too, an escape from my bitter angst. But now... Now I was awake. It was Thursday morning and I'd be forced to go downstairs to get ready for school, forced to see my beautiful brother. He'd want an explanation, but what could I tell him? That I'd seen a hairy spider and it'd scared me enough to run away? That some creepy man was stepping out of the bathroom just then and I'd ran to avoid becoming a rape victim? Ha, funny, but not suitable.

I couldn't answer him and so I wouldn't. I wouldn't tell him what had scared me off, and if he truly cared, he'd figure it out on his own.

Already I was dressed in my uniform- now I lay on my bed, dreading the thought of going downstairs. Maybe I'd take the morning off sick. That could work. Oh, but then Len might insist on staying with me, and that would completely defy the purpose. I'd just say my throat hurt and that I didn't feel like talking. Yeah, that's it.

Taking in a deep breath, I opened my door and stepped out. Already my stomach was coiling into knots but I knew that if I returned to the safe haven of my room, I'd probably never again come out. It wasn't that big of a deal! Gee... I've always been a drama queen.

Quickly I ran down the stairs then poked my head out by the corner, peeking into the kitchen. There he was, buttering his toast with a concerned look on his face. Could it be he was worrying for me? Oh, how I hoped so! As if he'd read my thoughts, he suddenly looked up. Our eyes met and his face immediately brightened. "Rin! You're up!"

Caught now, I had no choice but to sit down in the seat across from his. He noticed the hesitation on my face, I think, and his face automatically went back to that worried expression. "Hey, are you feeling alright?"

I nodded, deciding to avoid his gaze.

"Are you sure?" I said nothing. His eyebrows furrowed further. "I was worried maybe you got sick yesterday. I knocked at your door but you wouldn't answer me." He let out a nervous laugh. "You had me real worried!"

I couldn't help but stare at him incredulously. "Are you stupid?" I asked bitterly. Oh no, oh no! No, no, I hadn't meant to say that!

He winced and studied my expression. "You weren't sick?" I rolled my eyes but didn't answer. That idiot! Was it so hard to be smart for once?! "Can you please tell me what happened?"

I shot him a look. "Maybe if you'd look at something other than your precious Miku-chan for once, you'd notice things! My god, you wonder why I left. You're so dense, Len!" That felt good, actually. I'd have to begin writing rants to or about him in my precious diary. It felt so good to release some anger!

He blinked in surprise. "I... I don't understand."

"Of course you don't!" I yelled out, exasperated. "Mr Oblivious gets an A plus on that subject!"

His jaw worked and his eyes narrowed. "Just tell me why you ran off. Then I won't have to be 'Mr Oblivious'."

I hesitated, debating on whether or not to tell him the truth. I had to know what he thought! "Why'd you kiss Miku yesterday?" There it was. I'd done it! I'd asked and now he'd answer.

"Well... why shouldn't I? I mean..." He blushed. "She _is_ my girlfriend now." Ah! How could he have said something like that so simply?! I closed my eyes and tried calming myself. It wasn't his fault.

"But doesn't it gross you out to be trading spit with her?" I insisted.

He wrinkled his nose. "Is that how you see it? I've never thought of it that way. Then again, you don't really have anyone yet."

Ha! Hahaha... If only you knew, Len, you'd have found that funny too. "How do you know I haven't anyone yet?" I tested.

He sent me a sarcastic 'you-can't-fool-me' smile. "I haven't seen you with anyone at all."

"You're not with me all the time."

He paused a moment, studying my expression while I glared defiantly. "If you were really with someone, you wouldn't be trying so hard to convince me," he finally decided and nodded, as though he'd just convinced himself as well.

"I'm not trying to convince you," I snapped. "I just don't like being called a liar." What exactly was I saying? I wasn't dating anyone. I shouldn't lie! "And besides, I never actually said we're dating. I just like him, that's all."

"Who is it?" Not a single note of jealousy was in his voice. It hurt, yes, but it was expected by now. He had yet to see me in such a way.

"I'm not telling you." Meanwhile I was trying to think of someone worthy enough to name. "If you're going to occupy yourself with Miku all the time and totally ignore me, I'll just go and do the same thing! So there!" Oh no! What was I getting myself into?!

His eyes softened. "Am I really ignoring you?" he asked, sounding slightly hurt. I considered my answer and chose to nod, making him wince. "I'm so sorry, Rin... I don't mean to, I swear! It's just... I'm sorry." He thought for a moment. "How about this weekend, you and I go someplace together?"

My mood brightened. "Without Miku?"

"If that's what you want." He grinned at me. "I don't mind devoting a day to my favorite sister!"

'Sister'... Well, at least he loved me that much. "Good. I'd like that." No, wait- use this! I squeezed my eyes together and forced them to go watery. "I was worried you wouldn't care about me anymore," I sniffled, adding in a hiccup. "Do you?"

He seemed to panic for a moment. "O-Of course I do! What on earth are you saying?! Nothing in the world could turn me against my sister!" Hahaha... How funny. He squeezed me to him in such a way, it made me smile. For that moment, it made me feel better.

Some famous artists have named 'periods' in their life- such as the blue period, the romantic period, the gold period, et cetera. I may not be nearly as skilled as those painters, but I suppose I could still call this my 'hopeful period'. It was during this time that I felt like a cheerful little girl holding a big red balloon.

Pretty and colorful, this balloon seemed to hold promises and dreams- only whenever that little girl would try to jump up and touch it, the balloon would float upwards just enough to be out of her reach. And then... in trying to jump too high, determined to have my fingers at least graze the shiny red, I accidentally let go of that balloon. It floated up, up, and out of my sight, never to be seen again. That's when the clouds grew stormy and the thunder began to rumble, warning of acid-coated rain and nightmare-filled sleep. A shame I hadn't brought an umbrella.

"I love you Len," I murmured softly, but he didn't seem to hear me. Or maybe he only pretended not to.

* * *

I sighed as I read through the list a fifth time. Because I feared his threat about the student council would prove to be true, I took Papa's advice seriously and began searching for some kind of school club to join. If Mizki had been there that morning, I could have asked her, but she and Yuuma were visiting her parents. I felt bad for Yuuma.

A light breeze passed through and I took in a deep breath. It was rather warm still for October, but I wasn't complaining. My special tree that I leaned against now offered me a wide spread of shade and most of its leaves were still green, making it far prettier than those around it with their dying brown stems. The grass too was rather green still and it made me wonder if the rumors about the grass being fake were true. (Why there were rumors about grass, I will never know.)

"What are you looking at?"

I glanced up. I hadn't even heard Gumi approach me. "Aren't you eating?" I asked her.

She snorted. "Hypocrite; you aren't eating either." In response I grabbed my sandwich from my lunchbox and took a big bite out of it, chewing on it dramatically. She rolled her eyes and said, "I already ate, so I was just going to wander around for the rest of our lunch period. Then I saw you here and thought you might be fun to annoy."

"Hm." I looked her up and down. "I have to join a school club, but they all sound completely lame."

"Do they?" She sat down in the grass. "Why do you _'have to'_ join a club?"

"My dad is worried for me."

She was silent for a few moments. "I've never seen your dad."

That made me laugh. "I've never seen yours either, you know. What, do you make it a job of yours to know every kid's parents?"

"My sister brings me along for parent-teacher conferences so I usually meet slash entertain most of the parents." Sister? Why, didn't her mother go along with her? "I've never seen yours, though."

"My mother doesn't like having to wait," I explained bitterly. "She organizes a private meeting, usually the next day or something."

"Hm." Gumi thought for a moment and then seemed to drop the topic. "So, school clubs, you said? What have you got your eye on so far?"

"I can't believe our school has a pro-life club." I shook my head. "What the hell do they even do there? Pray to their god to ban all abortion? Why do they even want to bother messing up other people's lives?"

"I'm going to guess you're pro-choice."

I shrugged, trying to show I didn't care much for the issue in general. "And then this too, 'Run Club'... Why can't you just run on your own? Len is in that, but I never understood what good it does him. If you want to run, run around your neighbourhood block. You don't need a club for that."

Gumi said nothing this time and I wondered at the time if perhaps she was in the run club and had gotten offended. No, I found out later, she wasn't. She belonged to only two clubs, neither anything athletic. I never did find out if she agreed with me on my point.

"Then what is this- The Green Team Squad?! What, some kind of pro-environment group?" Gumi nodded. "That's so dumb. It's not like they're actually going to be able to do something useful! I'll bet," I wagged my finger at the other girl, "that at least half of the members from The Green Team are also members of the pro-life cub. I wouldn't be surprised at all, actually! As long as Len doesn't join something like that..." I shivered. "If he does, they'll have hell to pay, courtesy of me!

Her eyes gleamed at the mention of Len. "Is that so?"

I didn't like her mischievous expression. "How come you're talking to me now after totally ignoring me yesterday?" I asked. It had been bothering me since she'd walked over.

"You didn't seem to be in a very good mood yesterday. You seemed... overly stressed." She brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "I don't really like being burdened with someone else's troubles unless it's someone extremely important." A half-smile grazed her face. "You're not quite there yet, Rin."

The way she said my name gave me shivers. She'd rolled the 'r' slightly, giving my name a different sound completely. I didn't know whether I liked it or not. "Way to be blunt," I mumbled.

"I believe honesty is the best policy." She hardened her eyes then and stared at me, as if she knew I had a secret. It made me feel uncomfortable and threatened, even if she hadn't said 'or else'.

"Are you... implying something?" I asked in a monotone. To be honest, I was a little nervous. Even then Gumi seemed slightly different to me, different than normal people somehow.

She smiled, though it somewhat resembled a smirk. "No, not at all. Don't worry so much." Even so, her eyes seemed knowing.

I still think Gumi would make a fantastic therapist. She has a way of studying you without your noticing and picking up on the tiniest details most would usually miss. Sometimes I wonder if maybe she knew more about me than I knew about myself. After all, it often seems I don't know anyone at all.

"So, you want to join a club because your dad is worried for you, is that right?" She cocked her head, her turquoise eyes gleaming in amusement. "I have to wonder, do you really still care what they think?"

I felt slightly offended. "What do you mean?"

She stretched back on the grass. "I mean, everyone's parents are worried for their kids." She paused and added, "Well, most." She added another unnecessary pause and I wondered if that last note had wounded her somehow. "But most people our age have stopped caring by now. I wonder, why do you still care about your parents' concerns?"

"My dad threatened to put me on the student council," I spouted defensively. Never would I understand why it was so important to always deflect such things. I could have just shrugged and she'd've left me alone; why did I feel it so necessary to defend myself?

"Is that so?" Her eyes twinkled. "Well then, I suppose you must join something then." She didn't even ask how my father would convince the school to let me join the council. Perhaps she already knew. "You may not care, but I'm in the art club."

"The art club?" I wrinkled my nose.

"That along with something else, but you seem like you'd prefer art." I wondered what that something else was but never asked. "The meet's tonight, so you should come with me." Her smile stretched. "It'll be fun." I cringed, which made her laugh. "What's with the face?"

"It just doesn't sound very appealing to me," I replied. "I mean, all that really happens is... Well, you all just sit somewhere and doodle and tell each other how awesome you are, don't you?"

She gave me a look. "No, not really."

Yeah, probably. I rolled my eyes then nibbled on my lower lip. "Besides... I'm no good."

"Don't worry, Megurine's great at this stuff!" She winked at me and I think my face might have pinkened. "I'll wait for you by the washrooms downstairs, alright?" She didn't even wait for my refusal. In fact, she practically ran from me, forcing me to accept her promise.

Well... whatever. An hour wasted wouldn't make very much difference; I had years and years still of life to waste.

* * *

She was late.

I couldn't believe it. She'd promised me she'd be waiting here for me and then she didn't bother showing up. I sighed and glanced down at my iPhone. I'd been waiting seven minutes now for her. By ten, I'd leave. And to think I hadn't even wanted to be here! Ugh!

I leaned back against the white brick wall, sighing again. Had she only been teasing me to see if I'd show up? I'd remember not to mention anything to her tomorrow, just in case, or else she'd know I'd fallen for her taunting. She'd tease me, mock me, laugh and laugh, and I wouldn't be able to stand it. No, I wouldn't complain. Not for some stupid trick.

I grit my teeth and pulled up my bag. Len probably had another sports practice or something today. He always had one. I'd walk home or better yet, I'd call Nem to pick me up. I'd find a new club tomorrow to join. Today I'd spend lounging in front of the TV as always like the lazy ass I am... Haha.

I began to walk away when suddenly I heard my name. "Rin! Wait!" Gumi sprinted down the hall, her hand outstretched. I stopped and watched her until she was in front of me, bent over panting. "Sorry I'm late- my homeroom teacher kept me back to discuss my studying habits." She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Come on! Follow me."

The art room wasn't all that big, really. People sat on the floor, at desks, in chairs, drawing in sketchbooks, painting on easels, coloring in chalk. A tall woman - the teacher, I'd imagine - patrolled around the room glancing and whispering to students about their creations.

"Do you have a sketchbook?" Gumi asked and I nodded. She seemed surprised and that gleam returned. "Hm. Alright. I'll get you some pencils. Sit wherever you want."

I glanced around the room and cringed again to prove to anyone who might have been watching that I didn't want to be here. No one noticed. Gumi had told me to sit anywhere I wanted to, but... there were random students every few feet. I didn't want to be close to anyone. Was I allowed to sit in the hallway instead?

"Do you draw standing, or something?" Gumi asked sarcastically. "Come on, Miss Stiff." She walked over to a row of cabinets and sat down against them, beside a girl with pinkish hair. Reluctantly I followed, eyeing the other girl warily. "This is Iroha," Gumi introduced. "Iroha, this is Rin."

Iroha stared at me with a raised brow and an unimpressed expression. I'd only just met her and I decided I didn't like her. She seemed rather stuck up. "Can you even draw stickmen?" she asked, quite rudely if I may say so.

"Can you?" I asked. She narrowed and rolled her eyes. "There's an expression for that, you know; If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones. (1)"

Iroha threw a hateful glance my way and Gumi burst out laughing. I thought Iroha looked surprised at that and eventually she smiled too. "That's rather nice. I like that. I'll have to borrow that quote from you." She returned to her drawing, though I couldn't really see what it was.

"Isn't she a sweetheart?" Gumi asked, grinning. She earned a glare from Iroha but didn't seem to mind. She pulled her sketchpad from her bag and flipped to a blank page then opened the container of pencils she'd brought over. "These are wood pencils instead of lead, but they'll be alright. My lead pencils are at home."

Lead pencils? Weren't all pencils made of lead? I picked one up. A silver '2B' was written near the end tip and there was no eraser. What did '2B' stand for? 'Two Black'? I was afraid if I'd ask, I'd seem stupid, so I kept my mouth shut. I began instead looking through my own sketchpad.

Yes, I brought my sketchpad to school with me, but I rarely used it. ... Maybe once per week, I'd draw something. It was a fifty-paged book, but I'd probably only used eight of them. Most were of the same thing, too; girls that possessed features I wanted, looks I envied. Except... they looked very different in my head than they did on paper. I just couldn't figure out what was wrong with them.

I flipped to a fresh page and tapped the pencil against my lip. Hmm... What to draw? Suddenly an image flashed in my head, a girl staring out a window. It'd look pretty. Yes, it would.

I tried to draw a square in the center of my page. Yes, that was more or less a square. Next, a house. I only needed to draw the bottom and the corner, but somehow, it looked rather small... Oh well.

I drew an oval in the square, pointing the bottom out very sharply to make a chin. An elbow supported itself on the window sill and the hand - which resembled some strange polygon - rested on the girl's cheek, though I found the arm looked awfully short and pudgy.

I'd watched Pokemon once in a while when I was little and knew they had only lines for noses so I tried for that too. Then I made a downwardly curved line under it to make a mouth. An upwardly curved line diagonal from the nose made the eyelid and I tried to make a circle for the eyeball. It looked kind of oval but no one would really notice. Finally I drew the pupil on the right inside edge of the circle/oval- after all, she was looking right. Wouldn't it be her pupil moving? (2)

"What are you scribbling there?" Gumi asked.

"Hair." Duh. What did it look like?

"That's hair?"

I shot her a look. "Shut up. I told you I'm not good at this stuff!"

She raised a brow and looked down at my drawing again, then sighed. "It's not bad, I guess." I caught Iroha glance over and smile as if she found that comical.

"Does it really suck that much?" I asked, a little disappointed.

"No, not at all!" Her turquoise eyes widened in slight panic, which surprised me. Why was she so afraid to offend me? "I was just teasing you! It's good, really!" I ignored the snort that came from Iroha.

"Can I see?" I jumped back, having not noticed the lavender-haired girl approach me. Before I could say anything she was glancing over my shoulder at my drawing and her eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Wow, that's so good! That's amazing!"

I knew it. That's all I could have expected from some stupid art club. _'You all just sit somewhere and doodle and tell each other how awesome you are, don't you?' _Haha! Look how right I turned out to be!

"Thanks," I said, sending a smirk Gumi's way. She seemed to remember my prediction and rolled her eyes and shook her head.

The girl grinned at me. "My name's Yukari. You should totally teach me, okay?" I heard Iroha snort even louder this time.

"Sure." I wouldn't, but she'd realize that. She probably hadn't even meant it.

"Oh? Is this a new face I see?" We both glanced upwards. The teacher stood before us, arms crossed under her ample breasts. Her pink hair was tied back in a ponytail and her bright blue eyes shone behind dark-framed glasses. She wore a basic white and blue pinstriped button-down and a knee-length jean skirt over black tights. She was a very pretty and young-looking teacher.

"Miss Megurine, this is Rin," Gumi introduced. "She may or may not become our newest club member, so do greet her kindly."

"I've always told you so, but the way you speak is so funny," the teacher said with a smile. "Let's have a look, shall we?"

I handed my sketchpad to her and she began to examine it. After about a minute had passed I grew impatient. "Alright, just tell me how amazing it is and hand it back, please." I'd meant it as a joke but obviously Miss Megurine didn't see it as so.

Her eyes narrowed and took on a cool look. "That left arm is about a quarter the size it should be. Your window sill and the bottom of the house should be parallel, and the window isn't on the right angle. The girl's head is deformed as are her facial features. It seems you were trying for a manga style, yet your eyes have no shine in them at all. That hair is just scribbling and looks messy, and that hand is nothing more than an odd shape. Speaking of which, your thumb is also on the wrong side. You drew the right hand on the left arm instead of the other way around." She glanced down at my picture again. "I suppose that's enough criticism for now. Try fixing some of the things I mentioned and I'll look at it again."

Iroha chuckled. "What was it you said earlier again? 'If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones'? I've got another one for you: 'If you've got no car, why open the garage'?" I knew what she was saying- If you've got no talent, why bother trying? Ha! Well, I'd show her. I'd prove to her I had some sort of car- a smart car, maybe, but some form of vehicle to open that damn garage for. ... An odd expression that was.

I'd use what Miss Megurine told me to improve my drawing, since she seemed to have at least an idea on what she was doing. Except... what exactly had she told me again...? Oh, my thumb was on the wrong side. Right; I'd start with that.

Meanwhile as I began erasing, Gumi watched me with interest. I hadn't bothered looking at her own picture, but if I had, I would have found a girl drawing furiously. The girl's tongue stuck out in the side of her mouth and her eyes displayed immense concentration and determination. Her short blonde hair was rather average but it was the big white bow on her head that gave it away.

Gumi Megpoid was a much better artist than I, that much was for sure.

* * *

I dropped my bag on the floor beside my shoes and hummed a tune as I stretched. Despite what had happened earlier this week, today hadn't been so bad. I'd go back to the art room again next week to show Megurine that drawing and prove to Iroha that I **did **have a damn car.

"Rin?" Hm? Len stood there in the living room with a worried expression on his face. "I thought I'd skip soccer practice today to see you and when I get here, you're not even home," he says. "Where've you been?"

He... skipped practice... for me? Just to spend time with me? I vowed to kill Gumi the next time I saw her. The one time I wasn't home was the day Len decided he would be! Really?! "Daddy wants me to join a club, remember? I was just looking around."

He seemed relieved. Had he expected me to tell him I'd joined a gang or something? "Alright. That's good." He nodded. "You should tell him you found something."

"I never said I did. I said I looked around." He shrugged. He didn't really care so much as long as I was safe.

I think he realized what it seemed like because he suddenly stiffened. "Um... What kind of club are you looking into joining?" he asked, the slightest strain in his voice.

"You don't have to ask if you don't want to," I answered a little sharply. Geez, it wasn't like I'd attempted suicide, or something; he needn't try so hard! Haha... Hahahaha!

"I do want to know!" He added a warm smile to reassure me and sat down on the head of the couch behind him. "You're my twin sister. Of course I'd want to know what you're getting yourself into!"

'Getting yourself into'? That was an interesting way to put it, and somewhat accurate in some ways. "I visited the art club. That's all."

"The art club?" His brow rose. "I didn't know you like drawing."

I softly mumbled, "There are a lot of things you don't know." I wonder if he heard me?

He stared at me in a funny way then, simply studying my face in a way that reminded me of Gumi, but so much more sincere. If I had to pinpoint the moment he maybe began to pick up on my depression, I suppose it would be then. I think in those few moments he examined me, he maybe picked up on the red around my eyes from how often I cried, or maybe he saw the shadows within me slowly eating away at my organs.

And to think, at the time, it still wasn't even completely obvious.

He said nothing at all and just smiled at me. "America's Funniest Videos was on, so I recorded it on the PVR. Wanna join me?"

I tilted my head and nodded.

I wish I could be as light-hearted as you, Len. I'm sorry I ruined that part of you.

* * *

**May 18th, 2013; 12:09 AM**

_Bleh... I'm tired. :P As usual._

_Guess what guys? In nine days, it'll be my birthday! That's right- May 27th is my birthday, so I'd better get a hell-load of birthday cards from you guys now. :3 If not... _**ThErE wIlL bE oNe MoRe AnGeL iN hEaVeN! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! **_XD LOL, don't be _too_ scared now..._

_Anyway, for my birthday, not only am I getting my very own laptop (so shiny...!), but I may also be getting my very own Vocaloid! Yes, I'm saying my Daddy may buy me my very own V3 Avanna. o.o OH MY GOODNESS. So awesome. I'm super excited!_

_I hope he gets me Pokemon Black 2. That would be great, since I lost Pokemon Diamond. OTL (I have the worst luck in FFN. I'll say it once and I'll say it again.)_

_I don't really have much to say. It's currently Victoria Day Weekend. (You know, us Canadians still worship the British Queen Victoria n' all, so... we get a holiday. Yay!) Next I'll update DitC (Ch.11) because I haven't in... about six months. ... Wait, what?! No, wait, cross that, that's not right! I haven't updated in... aha! It says March 27th, so I haven't updated in almost two whole months. There we go! So that's next~!_

**Song of the Chapter: Kimi wa Dekinai ko (You are a Useless Child); by Kikuo-P feat. Miku**

It's a slightly disturbing yet extremely catchy song by one of Remi-chan's favorite producers~! Yes, she showed it to me, and without her, I would never have listened to it. It's good! LISTEN TO IT, NOW!

**Question of the Chapter: How do you feel so far about Gumi?**

**Question of the Chapter 2: Everything happens for a reason, so you know my having Rin pretend she has a crush wasn't an accident. What do you think I'll have happen? ^^ And don't just say 'she'll try to make Len jealous'. I want some real specific stuff! Because trust me... it's gonna be good. ;)**

* * *

(1) A quote from my science teacher. ^^ His hobby seems to be teasing his students, so he's always throwing insults at them- with a smile, of course. It's very entertaining. Once, he implied some kid in my class was dumb (which we all knew was just a joke- he was talking to a straight-A student), and a boy named Nathaniel (who is super annoying, by the way) said something along the lines of "Yeah Cal, everyone here is so much smarter than yoooooou!" Mr. Giunta was quick to add, "Except for Nathaniel!" We all laughed and Nathaniel started going on about how, "Mr. Giunta, that wasn't very nice~!" Mr. Giunta smirked and said, "If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones." What it means is, if you don't have something, don't pretend you do, and that you're better than anyone else. In this case, if you don't have brains, don't bother insulting anyone who does. I thought it was funny and quite wise, so I wrote it down in my quotes/ideas notebook. :D

(2) Hnnngh. Okay, for anybody who hasn't realized, that drawing Rin did was based off my terrible drawing skills about two years ago. (It was worse than it is now, yes. Alright fine, I'm not THAT bad. Maybe I'll draw some fan art, LOL.) That last thing was something I did too often- when I wanted to draw a person looking in a certain direction, I'd always draw the pupil - the black part of the eye - along the rim of the ball. NO. Just NOOOO. If you want to make someone look in a certain direction, it's the eye SHINE you need to move. Say you want someone looking to the left; you draw the pupil in the middle and draw a white circle on the left rim. PUPILS ALWAYS STAY IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EYEBALL! (This was me trying to save the world of art, LOL.)

* * *

**Review, or... I will steal your cookies. And you do NOT want me to steal your cookies!**


End file.
